My updated went something like this:
"Dear Kristen Stewart: Please stop touching your hair."
And I mean it.
I watched the Comic-Con Twilight:New Moon panel on the interwebs and I wish I had counted the number of times she ran her hands through her hair, or tousled it, or just generally hid behind it in an attempt to not talk. Even though you are on a press conference panel. And all you are supposed to do is talk.
Overall the panel was disappointing. Of the three panel members (including Miss Touchy Hair, R. Patts., and Taylor Lautner) Lautner was the only one who seemed to have any enthusiasm. About anything. At the very least, he knew how questions were supposed to be answered. R. Patts. mumbled and Miss Touchy Hair stammered her way through every answer, sometimes just coming to a stop in the middle of a sentence.
She mentioned that she cut off her hair, but those of us in the know realize it's because she's playing Joan Jett, and the 'do is THE Joan Jett 'do. The highlight was when some reporter blatantly asked if Hair and Patts. were dating and some lady came out and yelled at him while the panel looked awkward, and Hair looked pissed. Not that that looked any different from her usual face.
In other Twilight news, goodbye Actress Who Originally Played Victoria, Hello Bryce Dallas Howard.
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Single Or Not, All Women Are Cathy
Tonight at the grocery store my purchases consisted of a cheap bottle of cabernet, a pack of cigarettes, a dozen eggs, and a Stouffer's French Bread Pizza. This depressed me.
I am not single. I have been in a loving and committed relationship for over two years with a wonderful man. Yet standing in line at the store I felt like the worst kind of single woman. The kind you can smell a mile away. Even though I am not single, I live alone, which can lead to all sorts of single woman tendencies. (Not that being single is in any way in and of itself depressing).
Tonight my tendency was to get a bottle of wine, because I had studying for a final to do. My undergrad instincts must have kicked in, allowing me to believe that any study session must involve some sort of self-medicating substance. The wine and the cigarettes alone would not necessarily look desperate, at least not any more desperate than the guy in front of you at the corner store buying two 40's at 11 a.m. I chose to go to the actual grocery store because I know they have really cheap wine on sale always, and because I was also out of eggs.
Somehow, having turkey bacon and hash browns for breakfast does not seem as wholesome has having turkey bacon, hash browns, and eggs.
ANYWAYS, so I had my cheap cabernet ($3.29 a bottle) and my eggs and realized that it was 9:30 in the evening. I was not about to go home and really cook for myself. So I scanned the frozen food section for something tasty and quick. I ended up with the Stouffer's FB pizza because I could not, COULD NOT, bring myself to buy a DiGiorno's For One. I was already on to the fact that my purchases looked desperate. Adding a single Pizza For One to the mix might just push me over the edge. (Meaning, it would be one thing if I bought a bunch of them, creating the illusion that perhaps I take them to work or something).
So I'm standing in line with my wine, eggs, and pizza feeling one bag of M&M's and two frazzled lines around the eyes away from being a real-life Cathy cartoon. I finally get to the cashier (how could the people in front of me, with 12 items or less, take so freaking long?) and ask for my cigarettes. This VERY large cashier woman saunters over to the cigarette cabinet like she's got all the time in the world. I think the round trip took her at least five minutes.
She was gone for so long that the people in line behind me (with 15 items, ahem) started looking agitated and the frazzle lines around my eyes almost started appearing.
While I waited, I thought about how my situation could be worse. I could have one of those extra large bottles of wine, a carton of cigarettes, and an actual Pizza For One. Throw in a Ben & Jerry's and a few tins of cat food, and you have my worst nightmare.
To top it all off she returned with a SOFT PACK of cigarettes and she put my wine bottle in a brown paper bag, driving home the message that I'm a loser drunk smoker. I may as well drink my wine bag and do my cigs on a street corner, or in a back alley.
I have to admit that I did not help my own cause, as once I got home I proceeded to drink my wine, eat my pizza and smoke my cigarettes while in my underwear watching reruns of Friends.
This did, however, enable me to relive my youth, as I got drunk and did no real studying, but wrote this blog instead.
I am not single. I have been in a loving and committed relationship for over two years with a wonderful man. Yet standing in line at the store I felt like the worst kind of single woman. The kind you can smell a mile away. Even though I am not single, I live alone, which can lead to all sorts of single woman tendencies. (Not that being single is in any way in and of itself depressing).
Tonight my tendency was to get a bottle of wine, because I had studying for a final to do. My undergrad instincts must have kicked in, allowing me to believe that any study session must involve some sort of self-medicating substance. The wine and the cigarettes alone would not necessarily look desperate, at least not any more desperate than the guy in front of you at the corner store buying two 40's at 11 a.m. I chose to go to the actual grocery store because I know they have really cheap wine on sale always, and because I was also out of eggs.
Somehow, having turkey bacon and hash browns for breakfast does not seem as wholesome has having turkey bacon, hash browns, and eggs.
ANYWAYS, so I had my cheap cabernet ($3.29 a bottle) and my eggs and realized that it was 9:30 in the evening. I was not about to go home and really cook for myself. So I scanned the frozen food section for something tasty and quick. I ended up with the Stouffer's FB pizza because I could not, COULD NOT, bring myself to buy a DiGiorno's For One. I was already on to the fact that my purchases looked desperate. Adding a single Pizza For One to the mix might just push me over the edge. (Meaning, it would be one thing if I bought a bunch of them, creating the illusion that perhaps I take them to work or something).
So I'm standing in line with my wine, eggs, and pizza feeling one bag of M&M's and two frazzled lines around the eyes away from being a real-life Cathy cartoon. I finally get to the cashier (how could the people in front of me, with 12 items or less, take so freaking long?) and ask for my cigarettes. This VERY large cashier woman saunters over to the cigarette cabinet like she's got all the time in the world. I think the round trip took her at least five minutes.
She was gone for so long that the people in line behind me (with 15 items, ahem) started looking agitated and the frazzle lines around my eyes almost started appearing.
While I waited, I thought about how my situation could be worse. I could have one of those extra large bottles of wine, a carton of cigarettes, and an actual Pizza For One. Throw in a Ben & Jerry's and a few tins of cat food, and you have my worst nightmare.
To top it all off she returned with a SOFT PACK of cigarettes and she put my wine bottle in a brown paper bag, driving home the message that I'm a loser drunk smoker. I may as well drink my wine bag and do my cigs on a street corner, or in a back alley.
I have to admit that I did not help my own cause, as once I got home I proceeded to drink my wine, eat my pizza and smoke my cigarettes while in my underwear watching reruns of Friends.
This did, however, enable me to relive my youth, as I got drunk and did no real studying, but wrote this blog instead.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
My New and Intimate Relationship with The Boss
I can't stop listening to Bruce Springsteen lately. This is new for me, as I used to feel generally apathetic towards him, at best. Prior to recently, my feelings went as far as this: I could kinda rock out to Born to Run, and have sentimental feelings towards Glory Days because it makes me think of my mom.
Prompted by my sister, I bought The Essential Bruce Springsteen and I can't bring myself to take Disc 1 out of my player.
Here is why I think I love it, and the way it makes me feel:
It is perpetually summer, circa roughly 1967. I wear white sundresses and no makeup, or if I do, it is limited to frosted lipstick. I spend my time on boardwalks, or amusement parks, or anywhere I can find a Ferris Wheel. I smoke cigarettes when I'm not around my parents. My name is Sandy, or Mary, or Wendy, or Jane, or some other simple American name that people don't name their kids much these days, or any other girls name that ends in a hard "e" sound. Boys like me, boys that wear blue collars by day and white tee shirts by night, who come around in the humid evening and ask me out to ride in their Chevy, or perhaps their new motorcycle. They are going nowhere in a small nowhere American town.
We feel lost, but we have hope that we will not always. That maybe we can escape the fates of our parents. That maybe we can escape the fates of Americans everywhere.
These are the truths I have found in the lyrics of Bruce. He writes about simplicity, heat, anger, passion, and hope. He writes about all of us.
Prompted by my sister, I bought The Essential Bruce Springsteen and I can't bring myself to take Disc 1 out of my player.
Here is why I think I love it, and the way it makes me feel:
It is perpetually summer, circa roughly 1967. I wear white sundresses and no makeup, or if I do, it is limited to frosted lipstick. I spend my time on boardwalks, or amusement parks, or anywhere I can find a Ferris Wheel. I smoke cigarettes when I'm not around my parents. My name is Sandy, or Mary, or Wendy, or Jane, or some other simple American name that people don't name their kids much these days, or any other girls name that ends in a hard "e" sound. Boys like me, boys that wear blue collars by day and white tee shirts by night, who come around in the humid evening and ask me out to ride in their Chevy, or perhaps their new motorcycle. They are going nowhere in a small nowhere American town.
We feel lost, but we have hope that we will not always. That maybe we can escape the fates of our parents. That maybe we can escape the fates of Americans everywhere.
These are the truths I have found in the lyrics of Bruce. He writes about simplicity, heat, anger, passion, and hope. He writes about all of us.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Fabulous Cadavers!
I just finished reading "Stiff:The Curious Lives of Human Cadavers" by Mary Roach and it may or may not have changed my life (and by life I mean death).
The book is a study of various things that cadavers have been used for over time and the many strives they have helped the living to make in science and research. This may be the only thing I've ever read or watched or researched that made me slightly LESS afraid to die. Roach glorifies the cadaver and the decision to donate one's body to science. This does not means she leaves out all of the gory details.
I think my favorite chapter (Crimes of Anatomy) discusses the messy history of cadaver dissection. Sometime in the 1700-1800's anatomy schools, particularly in England and Scotland, became very popular, but the overgrowth of students had no way of obtaining cadavers (lots of laws on who could be dissected for science). This turned into the lucrative business of body snatching. Body snatching is a wholly different thing from grave robbing: the latter involves digging up graves to steal jewelry and whatnot from the deceased; the former requires stealing the entire body and selling it to anatomy labs.
I'd never considered donating my body to science. I think at some point my father even discouraged me from being an organ donor. This book has made me think twice. Mostly, I think I like the idea that after I'm dead, I can continue to do good despite the fact that I won't know about it. But at least as I'm dying I know that somehow I'll be put to good use once I'm gone. Even if that good use is just being cut up by a med student, who, from what I can gather, will respect and revere me, get to know me, and miss me when the semester is over. It seems a nice feeling that I can go on to touch one more person's life after I'm dead, or to help make cars safer, or military armor stronger, or bullets less deadly.
I had an issue with one thing in the book, which came in the final chapter. Roach talks about her possible plans for her death, what she may or may not do with her body. She believes that if the surviving loved ones are uncomfortable with whatever choice has been made for after death, that it should not be done. The dead are dead and have no say anymore, why not make life simpler for the living? I think I disagree. I would hate to be dying and thinking "Well at least I'm going to science", or "at least they're going to shoot me out of a canon", or "I finally get to have my ashes spread at Graceland" and then have that not happen. I know technically it doesn't matter. Technically we've said goodbye to our bodies and to our loved ones, but why not do what the dead person wanted?
She states a specific instance, a woman who's husband died and wanted just to be burned up in a plain pine box: no funeral, no memorial, no burial or ash spreading. He was not religious and she was very Catholic. She felt shunned by her fellow churchgoers for not having a memorial, she felt horrible that his ashes weren't buried, she even left the ashes in a closet for a long time, not knowing what to do with them. How is it that you were married to this man in life and could deal with the differences between you, but not in death? You respected his opinion for years, and cannot honor it when he's gone? I find this angering. Roach's point was that the woman should have just done what made her comfortable. I would say this would piss off her dead husband.
We don't know what happens after death, if anything, and maybe I'm just superstitious but I wouldn't want to risk pissing off the dead.
The book is a study of various things that cadavers have been used for over time and the many strives they have helped the living to make in science and research. This may be the only thing I've ever read or watched or researched that made me slightly LESS afraid to die. Roach glorifies the cadaver and the decision to donate one's body to science. This does not means she leaves out all of the gory details.
I think my favorite chapter (Crimes of Anatomy) discusses the messy history of cadaver dissection. Sometime in the 1700-1800's anatomy schools, particularly in England and Scotland, became very popular, but the overgrowth of students had no way of obtaining cadavers (lots of laws on who could be dissected for science). This turned into the lucrative business of body snatching. Body snatching is a wholly different thing from grave robbing: the latter involves digging up graves to steal jewelry and whatnot from the deceased; the former requires stealing the entire body and selling it to anatomy labs.
I'd never considered donating my body to science. I think at some point my father even discouraged me from being an organ donor. This book has made me think twice. Mostly, I think I like the idea that after I'm dead, I can continue to do good despite the fact that I won't know about it. But at least as I'm dying I know that somehow I'll be put to good use once I'm gone. Even if that good use is just being cut up by a med student, who, from what I can gather, will respect and revere me, get to know me, and miss me when the semester is over. It seems a nice feeling that I can go on to touch one more person's life after I'm dead, or to help make cars safer, or military armor stronger, or bullets less deadly.
I had an issue with one thing in the book, which came in the final chapter. Roach talks about her possible plans for her death, what she may or may not do with her body. She believes that if the surviving loved ones are uncomfortable with whatever choice has been made for after death, that it should not be done. The dead are dead and have no say anymore, why not make life simpler for the living? I think I disagree. I would hate to be dying and thinking "Well at least I'm going to science", or "at least they're going to shoot me out of a canon", or "I finally get to have my ashes spread at Graceland" and then have that not happen. I know technically it doesn't matter. Technically we've said goodbye to our bodies and to our loved ones, but why not do what the dead person wanted?
She states a specific instance, a woman who's husband died and wanted just to be burned up in a plain pine box: no funeral, no memorial, no burial or ash spreading. He was not religious and she was very Catholic. She felt shunned by her fellow churchgoers for not having a memorial, she felt horrible that his ashes weren't buried, she even left the ashes in a closet for a long time, not knowing what to do with them. How is it that you were married to this man in life and could deal with the differences between you, but not in death? You respected his opinion for years, and cannot honor it when he's gone? I find this angering. Roach's point was that the woman should have just done what made her comfortable. I would say this would piss off her dead husband.
We don't know what happens after death, if anything, and maybe I'm just superstitious but I wouldn't want to risk pissing off the dead.
Monday, June 29, 2009
The King Of Pop
I've taken some time thinking about a blog entry about the passing of Michael Jackson. I really needed to think about what MJ meant to ME and not just what he meant in general, although that meaning is bigger than all of us.
When I was a kid it seemed like I was only really aware of a few musical entities: The Beatles (thanks dad), Madonna, and Michael Jackson. Sure, there were others. I grew up watching MTV. But I knew Michael Jackson. I can remember watching the full length Thriller video on MTV repeatedly in my youth. In fact, this may have been my first exposure to the "dark" things that would shape the rest of my life. I would always hide my eyes when he became a werewolf. And again when he became a zombie. And again when all the zombies came after the girl in that creepy house in the woods.
It was so fucking good I still can't believe how good it was. Come to think of it, I think MJ was my first exposure to African-Americans (before he turned white). A famous story floats around my family, involving me, my grandparents, and a trip to Kenny Kings. One of the cooks came out to give us our food and I told him he looked like Michael Jackson. This simply had to do with the fact that he was black. He had about 100 pounds on MJ and much darker skin. Hey, don't call me racist. I had to have been only about 6 or so.
And then I remember watching the world premier of the video for Black of White. Macaulay Culkin was in it. And it ruled.
Two days ago I was driving in the car, flipping through radio stations, and they were playing Man in the Mirror. And I will not deny that I openly wept. While singing my heart out. I'm sure it was a sight to see.
The bottom line is that a music icon died. Before his time. Forget the criminal activity and weirdness: this man is a legend. And he's dead. And if you're of a certain age, he affected your life in some way or another. And he's dead.
A friend of mine is about to have a baby and that baby will know a world without MJ. This is weird to me only because I have known him my entire life. I knew him at his prime, and his downfall. But I knew him. And Baby Girl Gruden never will. Not the way I did.
I weep for future generations that will never take the time learn. I weep for those that will only hear the subversive things about him. I weep because I am sad that he's gone.
No one will ever sing like him. No one will ever dance like him. No one will ever be like MJ.
And I weep.
When I was a kid it seemed like I was only really aware of a few musical entities: The Beatles (thanks dad), Madonna, and Michael Jackson. Sure, there were others. I grew up watching MTV. But I knew Michael Jackson. I can remember watching the full length Thriller video on MTV repeatedly in my youth. In fact, this may have been my first exposure to the "dark" things that would shape the rest of my life. I would always hide my eyes when he became a werewolf. And again when he became a zombie. And again when all the zombies came after the girl in that creepy house in the woods.
It was so fucking good I still can't believe how good it was. Come to think of it, I think MJ was my first exposure to African-Americans (before he turned white). A famous story floats around my family, involving me, my grandparents, and a trip to Kenny Kings. One of the cooks came out to give us our food and I told him he looked like Michael Jackson. This simply had to do with the fact that he was black. He had about 100 pounds on MJ and much darker skin. Hey, don't call me racist. I had to have been only about 6 or so.
And then I remember watching the world premier of the video for Black of White. Macaulay Culkin was in it. And it ruled.
Two days ago I was driving in the car, flipping through radio stations, and they were playing Man in the Mirror. And I will not deny that I openly wept. While singing my heart out. I'm sure it was a sight to see.
The bottom line is that a music icon died. Before his time. Forget the criminal activity and weirdness: this man is a legend. And he's dead. And if you're of a certain age, he affected your life in some way or another. And he's dead.
A friend of mine is about to have a baby and that baby will know a world without MJ. This is weird to me only because I have known him my entire life. I knew him at his prime, and his downfall. But I knew him. And Baby Girl Gruden never will. Not the way I did.
I weep for future generations that will never take the time learn. I weep for those that will only hear the subversive things about him. I weep because I am sad that he's gone.
No one will ever sing like him. No one will ever dance like him. No one will ever be like MJ.
And I weep.
Monday, June 22, 2009
The Girlfriend Experience
Last week I went to see Steven Soderbergh's The Girlfriend Experience. This is Soderbergh's second recent attempt to take a tiny film with no major stars and make it great. And it was much more successful than 2006's Bubble, which mostly succeeded it making me uncomfortable.
The GF Experience tells the tale of a very high-end escort played by adult film star Sasha Grey. It focuses on her character Christine/Chelsea (real name/work name), but also follows her real boyfriend in a somewhat parallel story line. The story is woven in a very non-linear pattern, jumping around and showing you things that don't necessarily make sense in the order they are presented, by generally make sense by the time the film ends (a mere 77 minutes later).
The parallel story shows both Chelsea and her boyfriend at work (he's a personal trainer), dealing with clients, and trying to be better business people. Chesea spends her days as more than just a woman who gets paid for sex. She dresses up, goes out to dinner or movies, and generally spends time with her clients, sometimes purely listening to them talk about what ails them. Hence the title of the film.
Most of the reviews I read mention that the film is set in the fall of '08 in the middle of our economic downfall and heated presidential race, however none of the reviews discuss that this element is the very crux of the story we are presented with. In fact, I think the "point" of the film can be summed up in a very early scene where Chelsea is visiting with one of her wealthy clients. They're sitting in bed. She is silent as usual, while the client goes on and on about his job and money and the fact that his business is being raped by this horrible economy.
And he's paying her $2000 an hour to have this conversation with her.
So while the film was definitely about her, and mostly about her inability to have a real personality, there's this other major player involved: America. And our fucked up priorities.
Other things that I liked:
Sasha Grey's body. Not being an avid porn watcher, I've never seen her before and was pleasantly surprised to see that she's totally real looking. Her tits aren't huge and her ass is a little big. And she's totally hot.
Sasha Grey's acting. Another pleasant surprise. She pulled it off well. There was only one scene where she truly fell flat, involving an argument she has with her boyfriend.
The filmmaking. Duh. Soderbergh has quite the eye.
And of course the film ended on a total "WTF" moment, as I had suspected it would since I know how Bubble ended. In fact, Bubble ended right when I thought it was actually getting good.
So...I have no snazzy ending for this post.
The GF Experience tells the tale of a very high-end escort played by adult film star Sasha Grey. It focuses on her character Christine/Chelsea (real name/work name), but also follows her real boyfriend in a somewhat parallel story line. The story is woven in a very non-linear pattern, jumping around and showing you things that don't necessarily make sense in the order they are presented, by generally make sense by the time the film ends (a mere 77 minutes later).
The parallel story shows both Chelsea and her boyfriend at work (he's a personal trainer), dealing with clients, and trying to be better business people. Chesea spends her days as more than just a woman who gets paid for sex. She dresses up, goes out to dinner or movies, and generally spends time with her clients, sometimes purely listening to them talk about what ails them. Hence the title of the film.
Most of the reviews I read mention that the film is set in the fall of '08 in the middle of our economic downfall and heated presidential race, however none of the reviews discuss that this element is the very crux of the story we are presented with. In fact, I think the "point" of the film can be summed up in a very early scene where Chelsea is visiting with one of her wealthy clients. They're sitting in bed. She is silent as usual, while the client goes on and on about his job and money and the fact that his business is being raped by this horrible economy.
And he's paying her $2000 an hour to have this conversation with her.
So while the film was definitely about her, and mostly about her inability to have a real personality, there's this other major player involved: America. And our fucked up priorities.
Other things that I liked:
Sasha Grey's body. Not being an avid porn watcher, I've never seen her before and was pleasantly surprised to see that she's totally real looking. Her tits aren't huge and her ass is a little big. And she's totally hot.
Sasha Grey's acting. Another pleasant surprise. She pulled it off well. There was only one scene where she truly fell flat, involving an argument she has with her boyfriend.
The filmmaking. Duh. Soderbergh has quite the eye.
And of course the film ended on a total "WTF" moment, as I had suspected it would since I know how Bubble ended. In fact, Bubble ended right when I thought it was actually getting good.
So...I have no snazzy ending for this post.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Adolescent Fiction As Bonding Agent
So I started a new job. I don' t know about you folks, but starting new jobs gives me an awkward feeling in my tummy and the occasional bout of liquid shit.
This time, however, I was pleasantly surprised to find that everyone in my office is incredibly friendly, casual, and supportive. One one of my first days, the secretary who was training me saw my Harry Potter book and started a lengthy conversation on the ins and outs of the saga. She actually turned the conversation to Twilight, and commented that she hadn't read the fourth book yet. This sort of conversation made me feel at ease because everyone is into this crap. Not that I thought I was special.
Yesterday I arrived early, as usual, and was standing outside of the building smoking and continuing to read HP. The law clerk, Eric, saw me and started ANOTHER conversation about HP. His least favorite book is The Half-Blood Prince for reasons that I did not understand. This time it was I who mentioned Twilight, and he said that he really wanted to like the movie because his cousin was in it.
I expected him to say his cousin was "High School Student #15", however when prompted, he confessed that his cousin played "The blonde bitchy vampire". Rosalie? Yes. Rosalie.
Turns out she's blonde and bitchy in real life, is estranged from the family, and unfortunately, no, she cannot get me Robert Pattinson's autograph.
We then proceeded to discuss our favorite authors and books, and he made me listen to a song on his iPod by some a capella group which was all about books. Then he walked away awkwardly.
Cheers to you, tween fiction, for making it possible for awkward people to have a common ground of conversation.
This time, however, I was pleasantly surprised to find that everyone in my office is incredibly friendly, casual, and supportive. One one of my first days, the secretary who was training me saw my Harry Potter book and started a lengthy conversation on the ins and outs of the saga. She actually turned the conversation to Twilight, and commented that she hadn't read the fourth book yet. This sort of conversation made me feel at ease because everyone is into this crap. Not that I thought I was special.
Yesterday I arrived early, as usual, and was standing outside of the building smoking and continuing to read HP. The law clerk, Eric, saw me and started ANOTHER conversation about HP. His least favorite book is The Half-Blood Prince for reasons that I did not understand. This time it was I who mentioned Twilight, and he said that he really wanted to like the movie because his cousin was in it.
I expected him to say his cousin was "High School Student #15", however when prompted, he confessed that his cousin played "The blonde bitchy vampire". Rosalie? Yes. Rosalie.
Turns out she's blonde and bitchy in real life, is estranged from the family, and unfortunately, no, she cannot get me Robert Pattinson's autograph.
We then proceeded to discuss our favorite authors and books, and he made me listen to a song on his iPod by some a capella group which was all about books. Then he walked away awkwardly.
Cheers to you, tween fiction, for making it possible for awkward people to have a common ground of conversation.
Monday, June 8, 2009
Hello, Cleveland.
Last weekend I had the pleasure of hanging out with a band from Chicago that call themselves Bird Names. They played with my boyfriend's band, Megachurch, at a bar here in Cleveland called Now That's Class.
In the past I have been irritated when my boyfriend invites touring bands to crash at his place (which was at one time OUR place) because having so many strangers in the house throws off my general groove. I understand why he does it: it's a good samaritan thing and a good karma thing. These bands have no money and nowhere to crash. And often, my boyfriend is the band with no money and nowhere to crash. It's a win win situation. Two of the bands that stayed with us when I lived there (that shall go unnamed) were both kind of awful. One group consisting of three guys were kinda cool until we couldn't get rid of them the next day. The loafed around on the couch sucking up our air forever. The other band, consisting of what seemed like very young fellows, were dumb obnoxious pot heads who invited over a lesbian couple that none of us knew. Nothing against lesbians, but one of them peed on our roof (not OFF the roof. ON it).
Bird Names, on the contrary, were a lovely foursome who were polite and incredibly interested in the city of Cleveland. After hitting it off with them during the show, I agreed to hang out with them the next day, as they were only traveling to Columbus and didn't need to leave until late afternoon.
They had already bombared me with questions about how close we were to the lake (mind you, they are from Chicago...which has a lake as well) and other questions about life here. After they ate breakfast, and politely did all of their dishes, we headed off in their van for the mental snapshot of Cleveland that they requested.
It helped that it was a stellar day here, which can come and go especially in spring and early summer. We started off by driving from Lakewood on the shoreway, past Edgewater Park and a perfect view of the lake. I drove them over the Detroit bridge and right into public square, filling them in on any tibits I knew about the Terminal Tower, etc. etc. etc. Al actually requested to see the Free Stamp, and when I located it, he informed me that he was only joking.
There's the Rock Hall. There's Browns stadium. Here is our windmill. '
The ultimate goal was to get to Lakeview Cemetary, which houses John D. Rockefeller, Eliot Ness, Garrett Morgan and the immaculate James Garfield Memorial which was our ultimate goal. The cemetery is also the home of Wade Chapel, which has an interior designed by Louis Tiffany (one of four Tiffany Chapels in the world).
I've been to the cemetery before, but something about seeing it through the eyes of Bird Names gave it new meaning. They loved everything and questioned everything and wanted to know everything about everything. I'm not sure I've ever met a group of people so interested in Cleveland. I get the feeling that these folks are interested in lots of things, however, it was special to me that they seemed so enchanted by a city that is so often the butt of countless jokes.
When it was time for them to take off they thanked me profusely for my time and complimented my skills as a tour guide. I had hoped I wasn't boring them with my factoids.
While I felt adequately thanked, I didn't realize until later that I should have thanked them for allowing me to reopen my eyes to the beautiful and historic city that I have the privilege of living in.
Bird Names, if you ever come across this blog, I thank you for liking my city and rekindling a love affair that I hope never dies out again.
In the past I have been irritated when my boyfriend invites touring bands to crash at his place (which was at one time OUR place) because having so many strangers in the house throws off my general groove. I understand why he does it: it's a good samaritan thing and a good karma thing. These bands have no money and nowhere to crash. And often, my boyfriend is the band with no money and nowhere to crash. It's a win win situation. Two of the bands that stayed with us when I lived there (that shall go unnamed) were both kind of awful. One group consisting of three guys were kinda cool until we couldn't get rid of them the next day. The loafed around on the couch sucking up our air forever. The other band, consisting of what seemed like very young fellows, were dumb obnoxious pot heads who invited over a lesbian couple that none of us knew. Nothing against lesbians, but one of them peed on our roof (not OFF the roof. ON it).
Bird Names, on the contrary, were a lovely foursome who were polite and incredibly interested in the city of Cleveland. After hitting it off with them during the show, I agreed to hang out with them the next day, as they were only traveling to Columbus and didn't need to leave until late afternoon.
They had already bombared me with questions about how close we were to the lake (mind you, they are from Chicago...which has a lake as well) and other questions about life here. After they ate breakfast, and politely did all of their dishes, we headed off in their van for the mental snapshot of Cleveland that they requested.
It helped that it was a stellar day here, which can come and go especially in spring and early summer. We started off by driving from Lakewood on the shoreway, past Edgewater Park and a perfect view of the lake. I drove them over the Detroit bridge and right into public square, filling them in on any tibits I knew about the Terminal Tower, etc. etc. etc. Al actually requested to see the Free Stamp, and when I located it, he informed me that he was only joking.
There's the Rock Hall. There's Browns stadium. Here is our windmill. '
The ultimate goal was to get to Lakeview Cemetary, which houses John D. Rockefeller, Eliot Ness, Garrett Morgan and the immaculate James Garfield Memorial which was our ultimate goal. The cemetery is also the home of Wade Chapel, which has an interior designed by Louis Tiffany (one of four Tiffany Chapels in the world).
I've been to the cemetery before, but something about seeing it through the eyes of Bird Names gave it new meaning. They loved everything and questioned everything and wanted to know everything about everything. I'm not sure I've ever met a group of people so interested in Cleveland. I get the feeling that these folks are interested in lots of things, however, it was special to me that they seemed so enchanted by a city that is so often the butt of countless jokes.
When it was time for them to take off they thanked me profusely for my time and complimented my skills as a tour guide. I had hoped I wasn't boring them with my factoids.
While I felt adequately thanked, I didn't realize until later that I should have thanked them for allowing me to reopen my eyes to the beautiful and historic city that I have the privilege of living in.
Bird Names, if you ever come across this blog, I thank you for liking my city and rekindling a love affair that I hope never dies out again.
Saturday, June 6, 2009
Is This The "End of Days"?
I went running. For anyone who knows me well, I am notoriously an "indoor kid" who would rather spend her time shut up inside with a good book than outside, doing anything remotely athletic. One of my "claims to fame" was always being the person to finish running the mile in gym class last. Always. Last. And that was BEFORE I was a smoker.
Lately, however, it seems that everyone around me kicks ass at running. My sister just ran a marathon, which was awesome, but hell, if she can do it I can do it.
Plus...I'm sick of the roll of fat that hovers at my midsection. Damn you, muffin tops!
So I ran. In an AMAZING outfit that consisted of grey running shorts, white socks, red and white tennis shoes, and a brown tee shirt with anthropomorphic teeth dressed in winter clothes that reads "The Cozy Molars".
Here is a problem I had: What do people do with their keys when running? My shorts had no pockets, so I took my house key off the ring with the intention of putting it in my shoe. Then I somehow got really paranoid that it would come out of my shoe as I ran and I wouldn't notice because of the heart pounding and music listening.
So I ran with my iPod in one hand, clutching my house key in the other. This worked out fine, except both things ended up covered in sweat.
I felt good when I was done, in part because I did it and in part because I was able to run more than I had anticipated. Even as a smoker, I found that my legs started giving out before my lungs did. All in all, the route I chose worked out to be 1.5 miles, and I probably ran half of that distance, intermittently. For me, this is an achievement.
So *fingers crossed* I will get my ass up tomorrow morning and try it again. In an equally awesome outfit.
Lately, however, it seems that everyone around me kicks ass at running. My sister just ran a marathon, which was awesome, but hell, if she can do it I can do it.
Plus...I'm sick of the roll of fat that hovers at my midsection. Damn you, muffin tops!
So I ran. In an AMAZING outfit that consisted of grey running shorts, white socks, red and white tennis shoes, and a brown tee shirt with anthropomorphic teeth dressed in winter clothes that reads "The Cozy Molars".
Here is a problem I had: What do people do with their keys when running? My shorts had no pockets, so I took my house key off the ring with the intention of putting it in my shoe. Then I somehow got really paranoid that it would come out of my shoe as I ran and I wouldn't notice because of the heart pounding and music listening.
So I ran with my iPod in one hand, clutching my house key in the other. This worked out fine, except both things ended up covered in sweat.
I felt good when I was done, in part because I did it and in part because I was able to run more than I had anticipated. Even as a smoker, I found that my legs started giving out before my lungs did. All in all, the route I chose worked out to be 1.5 miles, and I probably ran half of that distance, intermittently. For me, this is an achievement.
So *fingers crossed* I will get my ass up tomorrow morning and try it again. In an equally awesome outfit.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Drag Me To Hell
Everyone who remotely likes scary movies should see Sam Raimi's Drag Me To Hell. At first, I wasn't interested, after seeing the initial trailer on TV. Then suddenly people were talking about it, so I did my research. And I'm glad I did because this is one of the best scary movies to come out in a LONG time.
First off, I have to let it be known that I can't stand torture porn. These films have no art, they are just gruesome and painful, with a "clever" twist at the end. The only element of fear it conjures is the horrific images it leaves you with when you're done. If I had to name my favorite scary movies, and therefore the ones that actually scared me, here would be the list (in no particular order):
Nightmare on Elm Street (original)
Halloween (original)
Scream (the first one)
The Blair Witch Project
The Shining (Kubrick)
Scary movies are a dime a dozen any more, so I only go out of my way to see the ones that really intrigue me. The above listed films terrified me at some point in my life, but are also favorites that I revisit from time to time. In order for a film to be truly frightening it must include both psychological as well as physical fear, which is why I think that the Blair Witch Project is easily the scariest movie to come out in the last 20 years. The folks who created that film were flawless in their vision, from doing it rough documentary style to casting no-name actors to NEVER SHOWING US A GOD DAMN THING! The film is perfection for people who actually like to be scared and not grossed out.
Now, I'm not necessarily lumping Drag Me To Hell in a category with Blair Witch. I think Blair Witch stands alone as a cinematic achievement, and there is nothing else I would call its equal.
Drag Me To Hell is a "return to form" (god I hate that term) not just for Sam Raimi, but for the horror genre in general. From the minute it started I wondered if I was watching a Hitchcock. The film opens with an amazing setup, in 1969 where all you see is a family bringing their tormented child to a medium. Evidently, this child has been cursed. The seat jumping starts here.
My ass probably left my seat anywhere from 10-15 times during the course of this film. Because Raimi toyed with you, creating the long lost art of suspense! Quiet scenes would suddenly burst with noise and images so loud and violent that yes, you jump. And maybe even scream. And every time it happens it is a beautiful surprise.
All the reviews I read mentioned how it is both terrifying and hilarious, a sentiment I had a hard time reconciling until I actually watched it myself. Some scenes are so ridiculous and outlandish that you can't help but laugh (blood spraying out of her nose....talking goat...etc.) and then it's right back to making you scream out loud from fright.
In this story there is no evil murderer the heroine is running from. She's trying to avoid an ancient curse that has been placed on her for doing something...not so unrealistic. I won't really give anything away here.
The story itself is a throwback to older scary stories, along with the music and the credits (there are ACTUAL opening credits...no action, just music and names!).
And I can't forget to mention how incredibly gross some of the images are. One scene, which shall not be named, actually made me gag once. But even the grossness can't be overlooked because it is, once again, incredibly ridiculous. It's SO not just people's limbs being hacked off here, people.
I say bravo to this film. Let's watch it again!
First off, I have to let it be known that I can't stand torture porn. These films have no art, they are just gruesome and painful, with a "clever" twist at the end. The only element of fear it conjures is the horrific images it leaves you with when you're done. If I had to name my favorite scary movies, and therefore the ones that actually scared me, here would be the list (in no particular order):
Nightmare on Elm Street (original)
Halloween (original)
Scream (the first one)
The Blair Witch Project
The Shining (Kubrick)
Scary movies are a dime a dozen any more, so I only go out of my way to see the ones that really intrigue me. The above listed films terrified me at some point in my life, but are also favorites that I revisit from time to time. In order for a film to be truly frightening it must include both psychological as well as physical fear, which is why I think that the Blair Witch Project is easily the scariest movie to come out in the last 20 years. The folks who created that film were flawless in their vision, from doing it rough documentary style to casting no-name actors to NEVER SHOWING US A GOD DAMN THING! The film is perfection for people who actually like to be scared and not grossed out.
Now, I'm not necessarily lumping Drag Me To Hell in a category with Blair Witch. I think Blair Witch stands alone as a cinematic achievement, and there is nothing else I would call its equal.
Drag Me To Hell is a "return to form" (god I hate that term) not just for Sam Raimi, but for the horror genre in general. From the minute it started I wondered if I was watching a Hitchcock. The film opens with an amazing setup, in 1969 where all you see is a family bringing their tormented child to a medium. Evidently, this child has been cursed. The seat jumping starts here.
My ass probably left my seat anywhere from 10-15 times during the course of this film. Because Raimi toyed with you, creating the long lost art of suspense! Quiet scenes would suddenly burst with noise and images so loud and violent that yes, you jump. And maybe even scream. And every time it happens it is a beautiful surprise.
All the reviews I read mentioned how it is both terrifying and hilarious, a sentiment I had a hard time reconciling until I actually watched it myself. Some scenes are so ridiculous and outlandish that you can't help but laugh (blood spraying out of her nose....talking goat...etc.) and then it's right back to making you scream out loud from fright.
In this story there is no evil murderer the heroine is running from. She's trying to avoid an ancient curse that has been placed on her for doing something...not so unrealistic. I won't really give anything away here.
The story itself is a throwback to older scary stories, along with the music and the credits (there are ACTUAL opening credits...no action, just music and names!).
And I can't forget to mention how incredibly gross some of the images are. One scene, which shall not be named, actually made me gag once. But even the grossness can't be overlooked because it is, once again, incredibly ridiculous. It's SO not just people's limbs being hacked off here, people.
I say bravo to this film. Let's watch it again!
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Smoke Monster, or, The Power To Quit
I need to quit smoking. I smoke entirely too much and force my second hand smoke upon other people. L.P. I apologize for bathing you in my vice last night.
I've been looking up some helpful tips to quit. I can't use the patch this time around because all of the places I can put it are either locations of psoriasis or injection sites. The patches burn to begin with, so putting them on an open sore would be torture. Plus the instructions explicitly tell you not to do this.
I may try these new Liberty Stix thingys (made in Cleveland! AND FDA approved!). Their website is slightly confusing as there is no explanation of how these things work, but yet there is a battery involved. I'm confused.
Other than that, some helpful tips I've encountered: ease yourself off by eliminating certain times or places you can smoke; don't try and quit during a time of stress or change; rid your house of any smoking paraphenalia (sp?) such as ash trays and lighters.
All of these things are fantastic in theory, and some have even worked for me before. At least temporarily.
The bottom line is that I chain smoke and mentally beat myself up for it every time I do it. So something's gotta give. Starting school and a new job at the same time probably isn't the greatest scenario in which to try and quit. I'm not making excuses, I'm trying to be logical. I don't like setting myself up for failure.
So. I'm going to give myself a few weeks of getting settled into my new routine and look further into these Liberty Stix, all while attempting to at least quit smoking in my car. One simple goal that should be attainable.
Wish me luck.
I've been looking up some helpful tips to quit. I can't use the patch this time around because all of the places I can put it are either locations of psoriasis or injection sites. The patches burn to begin with, so putting them on an open sore would be torture. Plus the instructions explicitly tell you not to do this.
I may try these new Liberty Stix thingys (made in Cleveland! AND FDA approved!). Their website is slightly confusing as there is no explanation of how these things work, but yet there is a battery involved. I'm confused.
Other than that, some helpful tips I've encountered: ease yourself off by eliminating certain times or places you can smoke; don't try and quit during a time of stress or change; rid your house of any smoking paraphenalia (sp?) such as ash trays and lighters.
All of these things are fantastic in theory, and some have even worked for me before. At least temporarily.
The bottom line is that I chain smoke and mentally beat myself up for it every time I do it. So something's gotta give. Starting school and a new job at the same time probably isn't the greatest scenario in which to try and quit. I'm not making excuses, I'm trying to be logical. I don't like setting myself up for failure.
So. I'm going to give myself a few weeks of getting settled into my new routine and look further into these Liberty Stix, all while attempting to at least quit smoking in my car. One simple goal that should be attainable.
Wish me luck.
Friday, May 29, 2009
Live Long and Prosper, or, I Finally Saw Star Trek
I'm normally pretty up on these things, but my boyfriend and I are so poor that we had to wait until we could use the free passes he had in order to go. And for the first two weeks of its release, ST had those damn "No Passes" notes next to its name on Moviefone.com. (P.S, I'm evidently going to have to be even more selective about what I see in the theater, as tickets are now a nice, round $10 a pop).
Now I have never been a Star Trek fan. I don't know anything about what goes on in the ST world, aside from a few key characters and the actors who played them. Oh, and "KHAAAAAAAAAN!!"
This new film just looked too awesome to resist though, and I was pretty much right. I was taken in immediately with the backstory of George Kirk and I liked the cameo by that chick who plays Dr. Cameron on House.
Now, I thought James T. Kirk was totally bad ass (and it didn't hurt that he was nice to look at, either). My boyfriend thought he was a little too renegade for his own good, as in "Who just goes looking for fights like that?" and whatnot. I was fine with this. It could have been a problem if his character wasn't developed at all, but I felt like we got to know him and what he was all about.
The time travel stuff confused me a bit, but I tried not to think about it too hard and I don't think I really lost anything by not understanding precisely what was happening.
Spock was fantastic. Zachary Quinto nailed it, and even brought a little sexiness to the role. I appreciated the fact that the most emotional story line in the film revolved around a guy struggling with having no emotions (or trying NOT to have emotions?).
There were a few times when I felt like crazy shenanigans were thrown in just for the sake of crazy shenanigans: The red monster thing on the Hoth-like planet, and Scotty getting stuck in the water tube. I realize that these things technically furthered the plot but I started getting frustrated. Oh, similarly, the fact that after they finally got rid of the Romulans, they were then being sucked into the black hole. Unnecessary. I had a moment of fearing a Return of the King-esque never ending ending.
I think the film was cast perfectly, especially Simon Pegg. Every time he opened his mouth I laughed and I particularly loved his relationship with that creature he was stuck with on "Hoth".
In other pop culture news, I mostly have questions: Why did they turn 10 Things I Hate About You into a TV show? And why do they want to remake the original Buffy The Vampire Slayer, without the TV show cast or Joss Whedon? Now, I was never a fan of the series, to be honest. But I loved the original film. You already made a TV show that had very little to do with said film, and now you want to ruin the movie too. Thanks Hollywood.
Now I have never been a Star Trek fan. I don't know anything about what goes on in the ST world, aside from a few key characters and the actors who played them. Oh, and "KHAAAAAAAAAN!!"
This new film just looked too awesome to resist though, and I was pretty much right. I was taken in immediately with the backstory of George Kirk and I liked the cameo by that chick who plays Dr. Cameron on House.
Now, I thought James T. Kirk was totally bad ass (and it didn't hurt that he was nice to look at, either). My boyfriend thought he was a little too renegade for his own good, as in "Who just goes looking for fights like that?" and whatnot. I was fine with this. It could have been a problem if his character wasn't developed at all, but I felt like we got to know him and what he was all about.
The time travel stuff confused me a bit, but I tried not to think about it too hard and I don't think I really lost anything by not understanding precisely what was happening.
Spock was fantastic. Zachary Quinto nailed it, and even brought a little sexiness to the role. I appreciated the fact that the most emotional story line in the film revolved around a guy struggling with having no emotions (or trying NOT to have emotions?).
There were a few times when I felt like crazy shenanigans were thrown in just for the sake of crazy shenanigans: The red monster thing on the Hoth-like planet, and Scotty getting stuck in the water tube. I realize that these things technically furthered the plot but I started getting frustrated. Oh, similarly, the fact that after they finally got rid of the Romulans, they were then being sucked into the black hole. Unnecessary. I had a moment of fearing a Return of the King-esque never ending ending.
I think the film was cast perfectly, especially Simon Pegg. Every time he opened his mouth I laughed and I particularly loved his relationship with that creature he was stuck with on "Hoth".
In other pop culture news, I mostly have questions: Why did they turn 10 Things I Hate About You into a TV show? And why do they want to remake the original Buffy The Vampire Slayer, without the TV show cast or Joss Whedon? Now, I was never a fan of the series, to be honest. But I loved the original film. You already made a TV show that had very little to do with said film, and now you want to ruin the movie too. Thanks Hollywood.
Monday, May 25, 2009
I've Been Slacking, or, an Overview of Recent Events
For some reason I haven't felt motivated to post the last few days, even though I've had things to post about. Here has been my week in a nutshell:
1. Saw Sunshine Cleaning. Didn't care for it. The characters made me so angry through out the film that by the time things worked out for them in the end I didn't give a shit anymore. They made stupid decisions without motivation, Emily Blunt occasionally phased back into a British accent, and Alan Arkin played essentially the same character as he did in Little Miss Sunshine, but not as endearing. And not on heroin.
2. The next night I saw Tokyo!. I also didn't care for this movie, but purely on a preferential level. My company really loved it, but I may be the only person alive disinterested and confused by Asian culture. These three short films all fell to absurdity, either at the end of a fairly straight forward narrative, or right out of the gate as in Merde, the second of the three films. Basically, when I watch a movie I need to gain something from it, even if the gaining is just a sense of utter numbness and despair (Requiem for a Dream, Brokeback Mountain). Tokyo! left me feeling nothing at all. So while I didn't really LOSE anything (except for the $8 admission fee) I didn't come away with anything either. I would rather watch a poorly made film that made me laugh or cry than a technically sound film that makes me feel nothing.
3. I watched the pilot for Glee on Hulu.com. Cheesyness aside, I loved it. As with most pilots, I was left wondering where they could take this story, especially if it's a hit and tries to stay on the air for X amount of years. But this same fact was probably said of many of our greatest and longest lasting shows. I also wonder if the show will end up moving more in one direction or the other: the edgy, subversive humor, or the touching, uplifting coming of age bit. If they can maintain the proper balance I think we've got a keeper.
4. I started reading Harry Potter again, from the beginning. It's been quite some time since I read the earlier books and it will be nice to read the whole thing in one chunk. Not only is the next movie coming out in July, but HP seemed like the only thing that may fill the emptiness left by Twilight.
5. Yesterday, before heading to my Aunt's house for food and card playing, I went to see a teen production of Tommy for which my boyfriend was playing bass. I was EXTREMELY impressed. The bits of Tommy that I've heard as a musical have disappointed me, and when my college did it as a workshop piece I wasn't thrilled. As a musical it seemed to take some of the edge off of the story, casting beautiful people with perfect voices who don't really seem to know how to rock. Other than a few flubs, the teens really got it. And I must admit, I cried my way through most of the production.
6. I've eaten a lot this weekend, it being a holiday and all. Lots of food, family and beer. Tomorrow it's back to the regular routine and classes start in two weeks.
1. Saw Sunshine Cleaning. Didn't care for it. The characters made me so angry through out the film that by the time things worked out for them in the end I didn't give a shit anymore. They made stupid decisions without motivation, Emily Blunt occasionally phased back into a British accent, and Alan Arkin played essentially the same character as he did in Little Miss Sunshine, but not as endearing. And not on heroin.
2. The next night I saw Tokyo!. I also didn't care for this movie, but purely on a preferential level. My company really loved it, but I may be the only person alive disinterested and confused by Asian culture. These three short films all fell to absurdity, either at the end of a fairly straight forward narrative, or right out of the gate as in Merde, the second of the three films. Basically, when I watch a movie I need to gain something from it, even if the gaining is just a sense of utter numbness and despair (Requiem for a Dream, Brokeback Mountain). Tokyo! left me feeling nothing at all. So while I didn't really LOSE anything (except for the $8 admission fee) I didn't come away with anything either. I would rather watch a poorly made film that made me laugh or cry than a technically sound film that makes me feel nothing.
3. I watched the pilot for Glee on Hulu.com. Cheesyness aside, I loved it. As with most pilots, I was left wondering where they could take this story, especially if it's a hit and tries to stay on the air for X amount of years. But this same fact was probably said of many of our greatest and longest lasting shows. I also wonder if the show will end up moving more in one direction or the other: the edgy, subversive humor, or the touching, uplifting coming of age bit. If they can maintain the proper balance I think we've got a keeper.
4. I started reading Harry Potter again, from the beginning. It's been quite some time since I read the earlier books and it will be nice to read the whole thing in one chunk. Not only is the next movie coming out in July, but HP seemed like the only thing that may fill the emptiness left by Twilight.
5. Yesterday, before heading to my Aunt's house for food and card playing, I went to see a teen production of Tommy for which my boyfriend was playing bass. I was EXTREMELY impressed. The bits of Tommy that I've heard as a musical have disappointed me, and when my college did it as a workshop piece I wasn't thrilled. As a musical it seemed to take some of the edge off of the story, casting beautiful people with perfect voices who don't really seem to know how to rock. Other than a few flubs, the teens really got it. And I must admit, I cried my way through most of the production.
6. I've eaten a lot this weekend, it being a holiday and all. Lots of food, family and beer. Tomorrow it's back to the regular routine and classes start in two weeks.
Friday, May 22, 2009
Finders Keepers, or, Someone at the White House is an Asshole
A hard drive went missing at the White House. It was from the Clinton Administration and evidently contained 1 terabyte of information, including the names, addresses and social security numbers of many people. Awesome.
The aide, who of course refused to be named, claimed that he (or she) was extracting information from it, set it aside to do other work for "an unspecified amount of time" and when he went to finish his project the hard drive was *GASP* missing.
Come on guys. Just do what we all do nowadays: Put it on your keychain.
The aide, who of course refused to be named, claimed that he (or she) was extracting information from it, set it aside to do other work for "an unspecified amount of time" and when he went to finish his project the hard drive was *GASP* missing.
Come on guys. Just do what we all do nowadays: Put it on your keychain.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
The Twilight Saga Analyzed
Have you ever read a book and been painfully sad when it ended? This has happened to me before for sure. It usually happens with series of books, such as Harry Potter or the Tales of the City, but it has also happened when reading lengthy books such as IT or The Stand. When it's done, when you've spent so much time with these characters, when they've almost become your friends, a searing lonliness sets in for me. It was no different when I closed Breaking Dawn just a few minutes ago. The story ends on a totally happy note, but when I got up from my bed there was this pang of lonliness...a feeling of "What do I do now?"
I was able to tear through these books so quickly because I have a large amount of free time on my hands since school ended for the semester. I was happy to have something so gripping to do with myself that didn't really cost much money. And now it makes me wonder what WOULD I have done if I hadn't had Twilight to keep me company over the last few weeks.
Many thoughts about the books have crossed my mind while I was reading, and I hope to chronicle some of them here.
Stephenie Meyer is not the strongest writer in the world. I would never argue with someone over that. The writing was very simple and she had to work extra hard to draw you into this world: it wasn't so hard for me to get drawn in, already loving the subject matter. She had a different challenge than, say, J.K. Rowling because Rowling had both the luxury and the struggle of truly creating a new world. While the wizarding world technically exists in tandem with the real world, the atmosphere and everything in it is otherworldly. She got to make up new words, new items, new creatures to dazzle you with. Now don't get me wrong, J.K. is hands down a better, tighter writer than Stephenie could probably ever be. But Stephenie did a competent job of creating an otherworldly atmosphere within our own world, of making us question whether or not perhaps these things (vampires, werewolves, etc) exist without us knowing.
Her most compelling characters are the vampires, hands down. Edward remained the most interesting to me until the end, even though he became somewhat of a pussy in the last two books. Each family member, and the extraneous vampires as well, were drawn so vividly, from the facets of their beauty to the extraordinary powers that some of them possessed, even for vampires.
Unfortunately, Bella, our heroine, could never compete with the level of interest piqued by the vamps. And now that I'm finished, I wonder if this was Stephenie's plan all along. We go along with Bella, getting annoyed by her decisions, annoyed that she sees herself as so plain when Edward clearly thinks she's the bees knees, annoyed with her general grumpiness and whining. And just when I hated her the most, during the whole pregnancy terror, she turns around on you. When Edward turns her into a vampire to save her from the impending death looming due to giving birth, she becomes an amazing character. All of her annoying human qualities dissipate and she's a strong, ass-kicking, powerful vampire who stuns everyone. Which is exactly why I wonder if this was the plan all along. I haven't met anyone who likes Bella much, and more people who hate the last book. I was with them for the first half. I was horrified at the introduction of this baby, horrified that Bella was making Edward so miserable, and really horrified at the horrible choice of baby names: Renesmee. Horrible.
The only thing I have to say about the pregnancy stuff is that it presented the most gruesome images to date in the books: Human Bella drinking cups and cups of human blood to appease her unborn child, Bella getting bruised and broken from the inhumanly strong being inside of her, and Edward using his teeth to tear the baby from her nearly unconscious body. This was the sort of imagery I found terribly lacking in a story about vampires. This is also imagery that I can't imagine them including in the eventual film.
Another general complaint I have involves content. She could have made these books a lot shorter by NOT having her characters argue about the same shit over and over again. Edward is constantly feeling bad about putting Bella in danger. Bella is constantly making bad decisions and trying to put her own life before Edward's. Jacob is constantly trying to win Bella's love. Stephenie could have eliminated a half a books worth of content by toning these arguments down a bit. Another piece of annoyance that is usually necessary comes from the lame recaps given at the beginning of each book. I'm used to this with book series but I hate it still. Anyone who picks up a series in the middle deserves to be confused.
Another thing that I champion J.K. for over Stephenie is J.K.'s willingness to kill people. With what Stephenie had going on at least ONE major character should have, logically, gotten the axe. I didn't especially want to see any of them go but with so much fighting all the time it seemed logical, but in the end everything was tied up in a neat little bow. Which is okay sometimes.
Mostly I just feel sad to be done. These characters have plagued my mind and even my dreams for weeks now so...I don't quite know what to do with myself. None of the things I can think of seem as comforting as hunkering down with those books. Especially because no matter what, I can never recreate the magic of reading them for the first time. The second time around, knowing what's coming, the things that annoyed me initially will be more annoying exponentially.
But I'm happy to have made this a part of my life. I got a thrill today when, walking from my car to the movie theater, a couple of teenagers on a bench complimented me on the tattoos on my arms. They didn't even ask to read them. After I thanked them, I turned to walk away and the SCREAMED when they saw the TWILIGHT on the back of my teeshirt and cheered me as I continued on my way.
One of the screamers was a boy.
I'm pretty sure he was gay.
I was able to tear through these books so quickly because I have a large amount of free time on my hands since school ended for the semester. I was happy to have something so gripping to do with myself that didn't really cost much money. And now it makes me wonder what WOULD I have done if I hadn't had Twilight to keep me company over the last few weeks.
Many thoughts about the books have crossed my mind while I was reading, and I hope to chronicle some of them here.
Stephenie Meyer is not the strongest writer in the world. I would never argue with someone over that. The writing was very simple and she had to work extra hard to draw you into this world: it wasn't so hard for me to get drawn in, already loving the subject matter. She had a different challenge than, say, J.K. Rowling because Rowling had both the luxury and the struggle of truly creating a new world. While the wizarding world technically exists in tandem with the real world, the atmosphere and everything in it is otherworldly. She got to make up new words, new items, new creatures to dazzle you with. Now don't get me wrong, J.K. is hands down a better, tighter writer than Stephenie could probably ever be. But Stephenie did a competent job of creating an otherworldly atmosphere within our own world, of making us question whether or not perhaps these things (vampires, werewolves, etc) exist without us knowing.
Her most compelling characters are the vampires, hands down. Edward remained the most interesting to me until the end, even though he became somewhat of a pussy in the last two books. Each family member, and the extraneous vampires as well, were drawn so vividly, from the facets of their beauty to the extraordinary powers that some of them possessed, even for vampires.
Unfortunately, Bella, our heroine, could never compete with the level of interest piqued by the vamps. And now that I'm finished, I wonder if this was Stephenie's plan all along. We go along with Bella, getting annoyed by her decisions, annoyed that she sees herself as so plain when Edward clearly thinks she's the bees knees, annoyed with her general grumpiness and whining. And just when I hated her the most, during the whole pregnancy terror, she turns around on you. When Edward turns her into a vampire to save her from the impending death looming due to giving birth, she becomes an amazing character. All of her annoying human qualities dissipate and she's a strong, ass-kicking, powerful vampire who stuns everyone. Which is exactly why I wonder if this was the plan all along. I haven't met anyone who likes Bella much, and more people who hate the last book. I was with them for the first half. I was horrified at the introduction of this baby, horrified that Bella was making Edward so miserable, and really horrified at the horrible choice of baby names: Renesmee. Horrible.
The only thing I have to say about the pregnancy stuff is that it presented the most gruesome images to date in the books: Human Bella drinking cups and cups of human blood to appease her unborn child, Bella getting bruised and broken from the inhumanly strong being inside of her, and Edward using his teeth to tear the baby from her nearly unconscious body. This was the sort of imagery I found terribly lacking in a story about vampires. This is also imagery that I can't imagine them including in the eventual film.
Another general complaint I have involves content. She could have made these books a lot shorter by NOT having her characters argue about the same shit over and over again. Edward is constantly feeling bad about putting Bella in danger. Bella is constantly making bad decisions and trying to put her own life before Edward's. Jacob is constantly trying to win Bella's love. Stephenie could have eliminated a half a books worth of content by toning these arguments down a bit. Another piece of annoyance that is usually necessary comes from the lame recaps given at the beginning of each book. I'm used to this with book series but I hate it still. Anyone who picks up a series in the middle deserves to be confused.
Another thing that I champion J.K. for over Stephenie is J.K.'s willingness to kill people. With what Stephenie had going on at least ONE major character should have, logically, gotten the axe. I didn't especially want to see any of them go but with so much fighting all the time it seemed logical, but in the end everything was tied up in a neat little bow. Which is okay sometimes.
Mostly I just feel sad to be done. These characters have plagued my mind and even my dreams for weeks now so...I don't quite know what to do with myself. None of the things I can think of seem as comforting as hunkering down with those books. Especially because no matter what, I can never recreate the magic of reading them for the first time. The second time around, knowing what's coming, the things that annoyed me initially will be more annoying exponentially.
But I'm happy to have made this a part of my life. I got a thrill today when, walking from my car to the movie theater, a couple of teenagers on a bench complimented me on the tattoos on my arms. They didn't even ask to read them. After I thanked them, I turned to walk away and the SCREAMED when they saw the TWILIGHT on the back of my teeshirt and cheered me as I continued on my way.
One of the screamers was a boy.
I'm pretty sure he was gay.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Yusuf, or, The Artist Formerly Known As Cat Stevens
I am not a religious person. I've even been accused of having no faith, no spirituality. But I don't think that is necessarily true.
Two of my biggest heroes are Sister Helen Prejean and Cat Stevens. Both seriously religious. And both have set me on a certain course in life.
I saw Yusuf on the Colbert Report the other night and it almost brought tears to my eyes. He's still the same. He still plays guitar awesomely. And he still has a certain dignity about him that other rock stars don't have. All of his songs, even before he was "Yusuf", were about peace and love and finding your own way in life. He still does that today. I don't care that he's Muslim. I barely even know what that means. What I do know makes me want to sing a little song:
"Plane through the World Trade Center, and you're to blame/ You give Muslims/ A bad name"
Right?
This is the man that called the Peace Train, who reminded us that "my body has been a good friend, but I won't need it when I reach the end". This is a man of faith and peace and going your own way (not to discredit Fleetwood Mac for the same sentiment).
All I know is this is a man who affected me so profoundly that I have his words tattooed on my body.
And I don't even think that is the right use of "affect".
Everyone should listen to some Cat Stevens. He does a body good.
Two of my biggest heroes are Sister Helen Prejean and Cat Stevens. Both seriously religious. And both have set me on a certain course in life.
I saw Yusuf on the Colbert Report the other night and it almost brought tears to my eyes. He's still the same. He still plays guitar awesomely. And he still has a certain dignity about him that other rock stars don't have. All of his songs, even before he was "Yusuf", were about peace and love and finding your own way in life. He still does that today. I don't care that he's Muslim. I barely even know what that means. What I do know makes me want to sing a little song:
"Plane through the World Trade Center, and you're to blame/ You give Muslims/ A bad name"
Right?
This is the man that called the Peace Train, who reminded us that "my body has been a good friend, but I won't need it when I reach the end". This is a man of faith and peace and going your own way (not to discredit Fleetwood Mac for the same sentiment).
All I know is this is a man who affected me so profoundly that I have his words tattooed on my body.
And I don't even think that is the right use of "affect".
Everyone should listen to some Cat Stevens. He does a body good.
Monday, May 18, 2009
Yesterday, or, I'm Fairly Certain I Almost Went Insane
From about 1 p.m. on Saturday until about 8 p.m on Sunday I was, for the most part, alone. I'm sure I've spent this much time completely by myself before, but for some reason the effects of this alone time left me feeling...kind of out of touch with reality.
Saturday wasn't so bad. I read, relaxed, watched a movie, caught the season finale of SNL. Frankly, I probably needed the break after the ridiculous party on Friday night that kept me up, and drunk, until 5:30 in the morning. So fine, Saturday was a day of cooling out.
Then Sunday came. I woke up around 6 in the morning after dreaming of Edward Cullen: Symptom #1. This is already the 3rd dream I've had of him this week. So at this point it's already clear that I'm spending too much time with fictional characters. I spent one hour with my soon-to-be-brother-in-law while we watched my sister run the Cleveland Marathon. I was home by 8:30 and back in bed. Where I had an even more disturbing dream that also involved Edward Cullen. We were at my grandparent's house, cleaning perhaps, and a bunch of my family was there, as well as my real life boyfriend. I had to run an errand and asked Edward to come with me, and I remember being very excited to get some alone time with him. As we were about to leave my family started shouting that something was wrong with my mom. We went in to see her laying on the couch and struggling to breathe, yet no one called an ambulance. Then there was a black cat there, and its eye fell out. This dream was probably Symptom #2.
I finally rolled out of bed around noon, showered, and planned on being productive while I waited for my boyfriend to get home from work and be ready for a dinner party type thing we wanted to attend. The hours rolled by. I sent out some resumes, and settled in to read for awhile. "Awhile" evidently meant another six hours of my life spent with vampires, werewolves, and one annoying mortal. Every once in awhile I would stop to smoke a cigarette and check Facebook to see if boyfriend was awake yet. I called him a few times.
These moments started getting frantic. I was very hungry but couldn't bring myself to eat. The only thing I'd eaten was a Sausage McMuffin. By 4 p.m. I was ravenous, but waiting for my boyfriend. And reading. And reading. And reading. By 7 p.m. my blood sugar was dangerously low and I had spent my entire day in a complete and total fantasy world.
When I did see my boyfriend pop up online and told him I was hungry but waiting for him, I got irrationally angry when he confessed he had just eaten. Symptom #3.
He agreed to pick me up in a half hour. I went to wait outside for him and he was late. By a half hour. Instead of going back into my apartment I stood outside smoking cigarettes. I couldn't go back in there just yet. This apartment suddenly felt like a prison: a prison of vampires, werewolves, and one annoying mortal.
So yeah, outside smoking cigarettes, trying not to text him and harass him. Instead, every once in awhile, I'd curse him out loud, thus becoming one of the many crazy people in Lakewood who talk to themselves. Symptom #4.
We didn't end up at the dinner party. I didn't feel like I'd be fit company in that state, babbling about people that don't exist because they were the only thing I had to talk about at that point.
And I'm glad because I spent a lovely evening with my boyfriend. After consuming too much food, we drank beer, played slaps and bloody knuckles, and did some other things that I choose not to discuss here.
Today I feel better. But I still have much much more to read.
Saturday wasn't so bad. I read, relaxed, watched a movie, caught the season finale of SNL. Frankly, I probably needed the break after the ridiculous party on Friday night that kept me up, and drunk, until 5:30 in the morning. So fine, Saturday was a day of cooling out.
Then Sunday came. I woke up around 6 in the morning after dreaming of Edward Cullen: Symptom #1. This is already the 3rd dream I've had of him this week. So at this point it's already clear that I'm spending too much time with fictional characters. I spent one hour with my soon-to-be-brother-in-law while we watched my sister run the Cleveland Marathon. I was home by 8:30 and back in bed. Where I had an even more disturbing dream that also involved Edward Cullen. We were at my grandparent's house, cleaning perhaps, and a bunch of my family was there, as well as my real life boyfriend. I had to run an errand and asked Edward to come with me, and I remember being very excited to get some alone time with him. As we were about to leave my family started shouting that something was wrong with my mom. We went in to see her laying on the couch and struggling to breathe, yet no one called an ambulance. Then there was a black cat there, and its eye fell out. This dream was probably Symptom #2.
I finally rolled out of bed around noon, showered, and planned on being productive while I waited for my boyfriend to get home from work and be ready for a dinner party type thing we wanted to attend. The hours rolled by. I sent out some resumes, and settled in to read for awhile. "Awhile" evidently meant another six hours of my life spent with vampires, werewolves, and one annoying mortal. Every once in awhile I would stop to smoke a cigarette and check Facebook to see if boyfriend was awake yet. I called him a few times.
These moments started getting frantic. I was very hungry but couldn't bring myself to eat. The only thing I'd eaten was a Sausage McMuffin. By 4 p.m. I was ravenous, but waiting for my boyfriend. And reading. And reading. And reading. By 7 p.m. my blood sugar was dangerously low and I had spent my entire day in a complete and total fantasy world.
When I did see my boyfriend pop up online and told him I was hungry but waiting for him, I got irrationally angry when he confessed he had just eaten. Symptom #3.
He agreed to pick me up in a half hour. I went to wait outside for him and he was late. By a half hour. Instead of going back into my apartment I stood outside smoking cigarettes. I couldn't go back in there just yet. This apartment suddenly felt like a prison: a prison of vampires, werewolves, and one annoying mortal.
So yeah, outside smoking cigarettes, trying not to text him and harass him. Instead, every once in awhile, I'd curse him out loud, thus becoming one of the many crazy people in Lakewood who talk to themselves. Symptom #4.
We didn't end up at the dinner party. I didn't feel like I'd be fit company in that state, babbling about people that don't exist because they were the only thing I had to talk about at that point.
And I'm glad because I spent a lovely evening with my boyfriend. After consuming too much food, we drank beer, played slaps and bloody knuckles, and did some other things that I choose not to discuss here.
Today I feel better. But I still have much much more to read.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Son of Rambow, or, This Movie Was Delightful!
Last night I watched Son of Rambow and it was charming and adorable. In a nutshell, a super religious kid (religion unknown. I think it was called The Brethren) befriends the school bully, who is remaking First Blood for a film competition. Here is what I liked most about it:
The whimsy
The triumph over kooky religions
The strange French foreign exchange student who is totally ridiculous looking
Ed Westwick
There isn't a witty remark I could make that could do this little film justice. It warmed my heart, it made me laugh, and it accomplished these things by being completely unique and never cheesy.
A note about movies being good, bad, or cheesy:
L.P made an observation about The Last House On The Left which I appreciated. He found a way to take a mediocre film and find some amount of merit in it. This is how I try to live my life when observing any art form. I'm not sure if this would make me the best or the worst film critic ever. I have a hard time coming up with lists of really horrible movies because it's very very rare that I think something was SO bad it wasn't worth my time. I can only think of two examples (and they're certainly not the worst movies ever) where my viewing experience was so unpleasant that I resorted to behavior that isn't like me.
The first was the second Matrix. I think it was Reloaded. I hated it so much that I actually fell asleep in the movie theater, which I had never done before or done since. It was confusing, poorly executed, and that awful rave/sex scene was one of the worst scenes in any movie ever.
The second time something like this happened was not very long ago, for the Bob Dylan "biopic" I'm Not There. I was SOOOO excited for this movie and I was totally disappointed. So disappointed in fact, that we walked out...another first for me. This may have been partly because my boyfriend and I had just gotten back together and we didn't want to waste our time finishing a bad movie. The only redeeming quality I saw was Cate Blanchett whose performance was so stellar, I kind of wished they just would have cast her and been done with it. The concept was good, but the execution was overly artsy and often painful to watch. However, on this one I may give it a second chance and watch it again some day. All the way through.
But, generally, I find something good in everything. If a movie is bad, I laugh my way through it and make fun of it with people. If a movie is supposed to be stupid, then you already know what you're getting into and just go along for the ride.
There's always something: an awesome hero, an evil villain, one hilarious scene, awesome costumes. But if nothing else, pray there are at least some pretty faces to look at.
The whimsy
The triumph over kooky religions
The strange French foreign exchange student who is totally ridiculous looking
Ed Westwick
There isn't a witty remark I could make that could do this little film justice. It warmed my heart, it made me laugh, and it accomplished these things by being completely unique and never cheesy.
A note about movies being good, bad, or cheesy:
L.P made an observation about The Last House On The Left which I appreciated. He found a way to take a mediocre film and find some amount of merit in it. This is how I try to live my life when observing any art form. I'm not sure if this would make me the best or the worst film critic ever. I have a hard time coming up with lists of really horrible movies because it's very very rare that I think something was SO bad it wasn't worth my time. I can only think of two examples (and they're certainly not the worst movies ever) where my viewing experience was so unpleasant that I resorted to behavior that isn't like me.
The first was the second Matrix. I think it was Reloaded. I hated it so much that I actually fell asleep in the movie theater, which I had never done before or done since. It was confusing, poorly executed, and that awful rave/sex scene was one of the worst scenes in any movie ever.
The second time something like this happened was not very long ago, for the Bob Dylan "biopic" I'm Not There. I was SOOOO excited for this movie and I was totally disappointed. So disappointed in fact, that we walked out...another first for me. This may have been partly because my boyfriend and I had just gotten back together and we didn't want to waste our time finishing a bad movie. The only redeeming quality I saw was Cate Blanchett whose performance was so stellar, I kind of wished they just would have cast her and been done with it. The concept was good, but the execution was overly artsy and often painful to watch. However, on this one I may give it a second chance and watch it again some day. All the way through.
But, generally, I find something good in everything. If a movie is bad, I laugh my way through it and make fun of it with people. If a movie is supposed to be stupid, then you already know what you're getting into and just go along for the ride.
There's always something: an awesome hero, an evil villain, one hilarious scene, awesome costumes. But if nothing else, pray there are at least some pretty faces to look at.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Season Finales, or, Now What Will I Watch All Summer?
I've heard that a recent study showed that watching television actually helps lonely or depressed people because it makes them feel like they're interacting with other people when they aren't. To some folks, perhaps this fact is sad, but the truth is some people are just lonely, and if watching television gives them the comfort of human interaction then I'm all for this.
And I think I'm also proof that this study is true. When I moved into my apartment I had a television but no way to watch actual television. I thought that Netflix would just solve my problems, but it didn't. I spent a lot of time wandering around my tiny apartment feeling lost and lonely. Since I obtained a new television and digital antenna, these feelings have vanished. That's not to say I consider myself a lonely person. I have the best friends in the world, the amazing boyfriend I keep mentioning, and an amazing family. I read, I do school work, and every once in awhile I get a creative burst and work on some sort of project. My life is not lonely or empty. However, I think I've been happier since I regained the ability to quietly watch tv in my sweatpants after a long day. I managed to catch up on some great shows in the second half of the season. And I'm sad to say, the season is coming to an end.
LOST
Okay, this show I watched all the way through. I'd go to my boyfriends house to watch, since we're nerdy about LOST together. I thought the season finale was stunning and I HATE the fact that it won't be back until 2010. It seems like an eternity away to find out if the bomb changed history, if Jacob is good or bad, and if Ben will ever go back to being awesome and manipulative. If I had to posit a few predicitions, I'd guess that the bomb did not undo their history but that it created it. Of this I am fairly certain, but what remains to be seen is if Faraday knew all along that this is what was to happen, or if he actually thought he could prevent the Oceanic 815 from crashing.
I'd also predict that Mr. Loophole is at least also Christian, but perhaps he's been able to take the form of ALL the dead people we've encountered along the way. I somehow doubt that Mr. Loophole, or Jacob, is all good or all evil. Drawing those lines seems too simple for this show.
I stick by the idea that Jack is our hero. I have a feeling that the final episode will end with his eye, just as the show began.
I don't hate Kate like everyone else seems to lately. I just wish she would go back to kicking ass again. Becoming a mother made her a pussy.
I was thrilled at the return of Rose and Bernard and I have a feeling we won't be seeing them again. I'm just glad they tied up that story line.
Questions: How does what is currently happening on the island (and by current I mean in the 70's) lead to the purging of the Dharma Initiative? It doesn't seem like that can happen now. Will we ever learn who "Adam and Eve" are? Rose and Bernard? It is possible that we will ever learn more about the real Henry Gale, who landed on the island on a balloon? What is Desmond up to?
HOUSE
I didn't see that one coming.
GREY'S ANATOMY
Gah, I have a love/hate relationship with this stupid show. It mostly irritates me but there's something that draws me in and makes me cry repeatedly. I end up ruining things for myself by being too analytical and I tend to spoil surprises by figuring them out ahead of time. I'm glad I was tooling around on Facebook during the finale because it allowed me to truly be shocked by what happened in the last five minutes. When Meredith realized that George was John Doe I actually screamed out loud. This was frankly a better story line than Izzy's issue, because she seemed to code out of nowhere. WTF.
Will they actually kill off both characters? I know both actors requested to leave the show and they both took back the request. But was it too late? If I had to put money on it, I'd say Izzy survives and George kicks it.
BONES
I didn't care for what they did. It felt like a waste of an episode.
And what was with the fact that THREE of the above shows had main characters who hallucinated? Two people saw dead people, and Booth saw...Stewie? Fucking gay. HOW did three hit shows end up following a grossly similar story lines?
*sigh* I hate summer television.
And I think I'm also proof that this study is true. When I moved into my apartment I had a television but no way to watch actual television. I thought that Netflix would just solve my problems, but it didn't. I spent a lot of time wandering around my tiny apartment feeling lost and lonely. Since I obtained a new television and digital antenna, these feelings have vanished. That's not to say I consider myself a lonely person. I have the best friends in the world, the amazing boyfriend I keep mentioning, and an amazing family. I read, I do school work, and every once in awhile I get a creative burst and work on some sort of project. My life is not lonely or empty. However, I think I've been happier since I regained the ability to quietly watch tv in my sweatpants after a long day. I managed to catch up on some great shows in the second half of the season. And I'm sad to say, the season is coming to an end.
LOST
Okay, this show I watched all the way through. I'd go to my boyfriends house to watch, since we're nerdy about LOST together. I thought the season finale was stunning and I HATE the fact that it won't be back until 2010. It seems like an eternity away to find out if the bomb changed history, if Jacob is good or bad, and if Ben will ever go back to being awesome and manipulative. If I had to posit a few predicitions, I'd guess that the bomb did not undo their history but that it created it. Of this I am fairly certain, but what remains to be seen is if Faraday knew all along that this is what was to happen, or if he actually thought he could prevent the Oceanic 815 from crashing.
I'd also predict that Mr. Loophole is at least also Christian, but perhaps he's been able to take the form of ALL the dead people we've encountered along the way. I somehow doubt that Mr. Loophole, or Jacob, is all good or all evil. Drawing those lines seems too simple for this show.
I stick by the idea that Jack is our hero. I have a feeling that the final episode will end with his eye, just as the show began.
I don't hate Kate like everyone else seems to lately. I just wish she would go back to kicking ass again. Becoming a mother made her a pussy.
I was thrilled at the return of Rose and Bernard and I have a feeling we won't be seeing them again. I'm just glad they tied up that story line.
Questions: How does what is currently happening on the island (and by current I mean in the 70's) lead to the purging of the Dharma Initiative? It doesn't seem like that can happen now. Will we ever learn who "Adam and Eve" are? Rose and Bernard? It is possible that we will ever learn more about the real Henry Gale, who landed on the island on a balloon? What is Desmond up to?
HOUSE
I didn't see that one coming.
GREY'S ANATOMY
Gah, I have a love/hate relationship with this stupid show. It mostly irritates me but there's something that draws me in and makes me cry repeatedly. I end up ruining things for myself by being too analytical and I tend to spoil surprises by figuring them out ahead of time. I'm glad I was tooling around on Facebook during the finale because it allowed me to truly be shocked by what happened in the last five minutes. When Meredith realized that George was John Doe I actually screamed out loud. This was frankly a better story line than Izzy's issue, because she seemed to code out of nowhere. WTF.
Will they actually kill off both characters? I know both actors requested to leave the show and they both took back the request. But was it too late? If I had to put money on it, I'd say Izzy survives and George kicks it.
BONES
I didn't care for what they did. It felt like a waste of an episode.
And what was with the fact that THREE of the above shows had main characters who hallucinated? Two people saw dead people, and Booth saw...Stewie? Fucking gay. HOW did three hit shows end up following a grossly similar story lines?
*sigh* I hate summer television.
A Post About Nothing, or, I Choose Not To Write
I have many things to write about and couldn't decide which course to take. So for now, I choose no course until I have a better grasp on what I want to say. You can expect that the next posts will involve one or all of the following:
The completion of New Moon
LOST
The Large Birthday Collider
The completion of New Moon
LOST
The Large Birthday Collider
Friday, May 15, 2009
Oh, The Irony!
When I was informed of the facts in this article by Entertainment Weekly, I had to include it here. I don't think I can sum this up better than they did:
We hope this isn't some heavy-handed metaphor.
LOL!
We hope this isn't some heavy-handed metaphor.
LOL!
Thursday, May 14, 2009
This Is How People Become Alcoholics, or, I Am Probably An Alcoholic
I've been hung over all day because boyfriend and I drank beers while watching the season finales of both America's Next Top Model and LOST. We had enough beer to get buzzed and move on with our night. Then Carl and Julie showed up with a frat party amount of Great Lakes and things got hazy after that.
I really have no desire to drink a beer tonight, but I know its the only thing that will cure the annoying headache surrounding my right eye. Hangover headaches accumulate there on account of that being my "bad eye" and all, and drinking more beer is the ONLY thing that gets rid of it.
No wonder people become alcoholics. The best cure for undoing the mess drinking got you into is to drink MORE.
I really have no desire to drink a beer tonight, but I know its the only thing that will cure the annoying headache surrounding my right eye. Hangover headaches accumulate there on account of that being my "bad eye" and all, and drinking more beer is the ONLY thing that gets rid of it.
No wonder people become alcoholics. The best cure for undoing the mess drinking got you into is to drink MORE.
My Day of Slacking, Part 1
I started off my day by working, and by working I mean sitting at my job doing as little as possible until it was time to leave. I came home and ate lunch while watching episodes of The Office on Hulu. I managed to accomplish one of my goals for the day, by catching up with all of season 5. Also, I ate Taco Bell. Do volcano tacos taste better than regular tacos because the shell is red?
I managed to do something remotely productive by running a load of laundry WHILE watching The Office. I really kind of wish the Michael Scott Paper Company had lasted.
I told myself that once the laundry was done and I had a clean towel, that I would work out and then shower. Instead of doing this, I started reading New Moon and continued to read New Moon for the next two hours. I had to take a break because Bella's heartbreak was exhausting me. I suppose it's an example of good empathetic writing that I was able to feel every single iota of Bella's breakup with Edward but it's not really fun to spend time feeling like you're going through a breakup when you're not. I have resigned myself to get through this book as quickly as possible because I just don't like the story as much without Edward. Which I suppose is also how Bella feels.
Next on my list of plans: continue reading until I am too hungry and must make dinner and then wait for the two hour season finale of Grey's Anatomy. Then: watch the two hour season finale of Grey's Anatomy.
I managed to do something remotely productive by running a load of laundry WHILE watching The Office. I really kind of wish the Michael Scott Paper Company had lasted.
I told myself that once the laundry was done and I had a clean towel, that I would work out and then shower. Instead of doing this, I started reading New Moon and continued to read New Moon for the next two hours. I had to take a break because Bella's heartbreak was exhausting me. I suppose it's an example of good empathetic writing that I was able to feel every single iota of Bella's breakup with Edward but it's not really fun to spend time feeling like you're going through a breakup when you're not. I have resigned myself to get through this book as quickly as possible because I just don't like the story as much without Edward. Which I suppose is also how Bella feels.
Next on my list of plans: continue reading until I am too hungry and must make dinner and then wait for the two hour season finale of Grey's Anatomy. Then: watch the two hour season finale of Grey's Anatomy.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
I Finally Found The Right Words, or, An Addendum To My Very First Post, or, You May Now Think I Am Officially Insane
After consuming six Rising Moon's and watching Twilight for the fourth time with my cousin (who had no interest in it but watched it with me because she's understanding like that)I managed to say to her something that I'd be trying to express in my first post on here:
I love Twilight because I loved it before it existed. EC was essentially a fantasy I had since I was 15 or 16 and loving it now is not even a choice. I simply finally have something tangible to love instead of a vague idea of something that I could love if it existed. I started this blog to explore all these strange attachments and affinities I have for things, and the I titled it so because for too long I DID believe in guilty pleasures, tastes I thought I had to, or should, keep to myself. My whole life was one big guilty pleasure and I'm through with thinking of it as such.
I like what I like. I love what I love. Deal with it.
So we watched Twilight and Sam actually had a few positives to say. And the negatives I totally agree with as well. It's not a great film. It's a sappy story. And I certainly don't go around recommending it to people. In going with a vampire theme we watched Blade next, which I'd actually never seen. It was alright. Stephen Dorff made a pretty good bad vampire. I can't really make any informed opinion though because we talked most of the way through it, and I was fairly drunk.
Today we drove all over looking in stores and running errands. I'm tired, but really looking forward to an evening with my real life boyfriend and watching the season finale of Lost. You can look forward to a post about Lost in the not-so-distant future, I'm sure.
I'm really looking forward to tomorrow at 1pm. This means that I'm done with work and have nothing else to do tomorrow. Here is what I hope to accomplish:
Cleaning my kitchen area.
Watching episodes of The Office on Hulu.
Starting New Moon.
Watching Son Of Rambow.
My day tomorrow is PACKED full of awesomeness.
I love Twilight because I loved it before it existed. EC was essentially a fantasy I had since I was 15 or 16 and loving it now is not even a choice. I simply finally have something tangible to love instead of a vague idea of something that I could love if it existed. I started this blog to explore all these strange attachments and affinities I have for things, and the I titled it so because for too long I DID believe in guilty pleasures, tastes I thought I had to, or should, keep to myself. My whole life was one big guilty pleasure and I'm through with thinking of it as such.
I like what I like. I love what I love. Deal with it.
So we watched Twilight and Sam actually had a few positives to say. And the negatives I totally agree with as well. It's not a great film. It's a sappy story. And I certainly don't go around recommending it to people. In going with a vampire theme we watched Blade next, which I'd actually never seen. It was alright. Stephen Dorff made a pretty good bad vampire. I can't really make any informed opinion though because we talked most of the way through it, and I was fairly drunk.
Today we drove all over looking in stores and running errands. I'm tired, but really looking forward to an evening with my real life boyfriend and watching the season finale of Lost. You can look forward to a post about Lost in the not-so-distant future, I'm sure.
I'm really looking forward to tomorrow at 1pm. This means that I'm done with work and have nothing else to do tomorrow. Here is what I hope to accomplish:
Cleaning my kitchen area.
Watching episodes of The Office on Hulu.
Starting New Moon.
Watching Son Of Rambow.
My day tomorrow is PACKED full of awesomeness.
Monday, May 11, 2009
P.S. L.P.
The fellow on that old school Doan's tin looks like he wants to take you on a moustache ride.
A Reply To "Ask LP", or, Since We're Being Funny...
I don't care SO much about my anonymity. I suppose if I really did I wouldn't have told any of you assholes about my blog in the first place.
Secondly, let's see if I can get this link thing to work:
*orgasm*
Also, as to the comment issue. Members are people that are joint members of your blog...as in they can edit, create, post, etc. In order for me or anyone else to post I think your blog has to be open to comments. But I'm not sure. Hi, I'm Amanda. I'm new.
Secondly, let's see if I can get this link thing to work:
*orgasm*
Also, as to the comment issue. Members are people that are joint members of your blog...as in they can edit, create, post, etc. In order for me or anyone else to post I think your blog has to be open to comments. But I'm not sure. Hi, I'm Amanda. I'm new.
s. Darko, or, The World Is About To End...Because of Bad "Sequels"
The trailer for S. Darko looks god awful.
I'm not even sure if I'm qualified to make this post, because I may be the only hipster in Cleveland (or Ohio, or the country) that didn't really care for Donnie Darko. At least, it didn't make any sort of lasting impression on me. It was weird and confusing, sometimes clever and creepy. And in no way warranted a sequel.
It wasn't because it was a BAD movie that they shouldn't make a sequel. It was just the sort of movie that...stood alone as a wtf moment in cinematic history. Like the Blair Witch Project. And we all know what THAT sequel was like.
S. Darko actually looks like it tried to be scary. And edgy. Things that don't work if you try. The only redeeming quality is that the cast includes my Gossip Girl crush Ed Westwick. Dear Ed, I think you may have made a bad choice here. The cast also includes Elizabeth Berkley. I can't decide how I feel about this because she's awful, but also has the potential to become a true cult icon because of how awful she is.
Also, the film went straight to DVD. Never a good sign.
I'm not even sure if I'm qualified to make this post, because I may be the only hipster in Cleveland (or Ohio, or the country) that didn't really care for Donnie Darko. At least, it didn't make any sort of lasting impression on me. It was weird and confusing, sometimes clever and creepy. And in no way warranted a sequel.
It wasn't because it was a BAD movie that they shouldn't make a sequel. It was just the sort of movie that...stood alone as a wtf moment in cinematic history. Like the Blair Witch Project. And we all know what THAT sequel was like.
S. Darko actually looks like it tried to be scary. And edgy. Things that don't work if you try. The only redeeming quality is that the cast includes my Gossip Girl crush Ed Westwick. Dear Ed, I think you may have made a bad choice here. The cast also includes Elizabeth Berkley. I can't decide how I feel about this because she's awful, but also has the potential to become a true cult icon because of how awful she is.
Also, the film went straight to DVD. Never a good sign.
First, To LPC In Lieu of Restricted Comments, Then to My Day In Pop Culture
LPC, your comments are restricted, so I hope this finds you. A dense question: how do I hyperlink words, movies, etc, as you have so that I may direct my (sparse) readers to things of note? I am fairly computer illiterate and your explanation and instruction has always made more sense to me than any research I could do.
Yesterday I spent time doing what I love most: surrounding myself with, learning about, and obtaining pieces of pop culture. Here is what I have to report:
My So-Called Life
While dated (see previous posts), still rings true. For a show I've watched many times over, I found myself getting teary at the strangest moments and still swooning over Jordan Catalano. The swooning didn't occur so much for myself as for Angela, for which I felt every pang of joy, lust, hurt and awkwardness when they interact. For a show steeped in reality, I now have a few issues with her feelings toward Jordan, at least from my own personal experiences in high school with crushes. First, I almost wish Jordan wasn't so good looking. When I look back on my crushes, many of which I still know today, none of them would stop traffic, but that doesn't mean I didn't have the same obsessive, painful feelings that Angela had. The issue of him being SO good looking would, in reality, cause another problem that is not addressed on the show, being that someone that obviously beautiful would be swarmed with girls all the time. The show presents Angela as unique. Girls are not throwing themselves at Jordan regularly, perhaps because he's too aloof, too poor, too rough and tumble. In my experience, this never stopped girls from falling in love with a pretty face.
Another interesting observation is about the episode entitled "Guns and Gossip", in which a gun is brought to school and fired, and only Brian Krakow saw who may have done it. The parents are horrified, the school takes on the role of harassment to find out whodunnit, and the episode is littered with passing scenes of police officers rifling through lockers and patting down kids. This in itself is not so interesting: a typical topic for a high school show. However, what made it interesting is the fact that this episode was aired 5 years before Columbine and 7 years before 9/11. The final scene of the episode shows the kids silently walking into school and seeing metal detectors have been installed. This was a NOVEL idea then. Now most large schools have metal detectors and heightened security as a regular fixture. MSCL was definitely the product of a time concurrent with Kurt Cobain and Bill Clinton. Now teen dramas smell of W. and fear and terrorism, or the fantasy of escaping such fears (see Gossip Girl, 90210).
Charlie Bartlett
I liked this movie more than I expected to, perhaps because it reminded me, in ways, of three other movies that I love: Pump Up The Volume, Rushmore, and Harold and Maude. I wouldn't necessarily recommend it to die-hard fans of any of the three, but it had elements of all of them.
Pump Up The Volume has the most similarities, although CB is much less...dark, or harsh. The main character becomes an uncomfortable spokesperson for the rights, lives and feelings of an entire high school. They begin to look to him and depend on him to make the right decisions and follow him in whatever insane (or not so insane) idea he comes up with, even if it results in anarchy. There is the element of teen suicide caused (or almost caused) by the advice given by the main character. There is just the general feeling that teens rights are being violated by the awful and brutal tyrants in charge.
CB is not similar to Rushmore in any stylistic or comedic sense. It had more to do with the attitude of the protagonist and the transformation from private school dweeb to public school sensation. There was the small element of student-written plays being performed, even starring the notorious bully.
Harold and Maude is the hardest to describe. I was already thinking of H&M (ha!) before Charlie and Susan sat at the piano and sang one of the Cat Stevens songs from the film (If You Want To Sing Out, Sing Out). The similarities mostly stem from the fact that, in both films, the main characters are insanely rich and live with their kooky mothers. Neither seem to have a strong affinity for their wealth and a deep inner struggle with themselves. The comparison probably ends here.
Even if CB is ripping off some or all of these films, it does so with a sharpness and wit that I appreciated. I only detected one totally cheeseball moment, when Susan sings the aforementioned Cat Stevens song in the school play. This seemed like an unnecessary confirmation of many facts that we'd already learned about the characters.
Movie Trailers
I sat and watched a few trailers online. The first was for Where the Wild Things Are. I cannot stress enough how amazing this film looks. Even the trailer made me teary eyed, but this may just be because of the swelling of the music and the scrawling lettering informing us that "In all of us there is HOPE...In all of us there is FEAR...In all of us there is a WILD THING." Cue tears.
I also watched the trailer for Transformers 2: something something. I was a huge fan of the first one and this second one looks...alright I guess. It looks like more of the same, and I still don't think Megan Fox is all that.
Last, I found a trailer for a little film called How To Be. I admit, I found it while seeing what my Super Crush Robert Pattinson was up to, besides the Twilight Saga. I was actually really surprised by how good this little film looks. It seems very awkward and British, which also happens to be how RP looks in the film. As of yet, it doesn't have a release date on Netflix and it appeared to be an IFC film, so I don't know if it had an actual theatrical release. Either way, I wish to see this as soon as its available somewhere. Check out the trailer on imdb and let me know what you think.
Lastly, I'd like to thank Amazon.com for finding me the cheapest possible price on all four Twilight books (in hardback no less). I essentially paid $11 a book for a boxed set that cost twice that much in stores. A pop culture shopping coup.
Yesterday I spent time doing what I love most: surrounding myself with, learning about, and obtaining pieces of pop culture. Here is what I have to report:
My So-Called Life
While dated (see previous posts), still rings true. For a show I've watched many times over, I found myself getting teary at the strangest moments and still swooning over Jordan Catalano. The swooning didn't occur so much for myself as for Angela, for which I felt every pang of joy, lust, hurt and awkwardness when they interact. For a show steeped in reality, I now have a few issues with her feelings toward Jordan, at least from my own personal experiences in high school with crushes. First, I almost wish Jordan wasn't so good looking. When I look back on my crushes, many of which I still know today, none of them would stop traffic, but that doesn't mean I didn't have the same obsessive, painful feelings that Angela had. The issue of him being SO good looking would, in reality, cause another problem that is not addressed on the show, being that someone that obviously beautiful would be swarmed with girls all the time. The show presents Angela as unique. Girls are not throwing themselves at Jordan regularly, perhaps because he's too aloof, too poor, too rough and tumble. In my experience, this never stopped girls from falling in love with a pretty face.
Another interesting observation is about the episode entitled "Guns and Gossip", in which a gun is brought to school and fired, and only Brian Krakow saw who may have done it. The parents are horrified, the school takes on the role of harassment to find out whodunnit, and the episode is littered with passing scenes of police officers rifling through lockers and patting down kids. This in itself is not so interesting: a typical topic for a high school show. However, what made it interesting is the fact that this episode was aired 5 years before Columbine and 7 years before 9/11. The final scene of the episode shows the kids silently walking into school and seeing metal detectors have been installed. This was a NOVEL idea then. Now most large schools have metal detectors and heightened security as a regular fixture. MSCL was definitely the product of a time concurrent with Kurt Cobain and Bill Clinton. Now teen dramas smell of W. and fear and terrorism, or the fantasy of escaping such fears (see Gossip Girl, 90210).
Charlie Bartlett
I liked this movie more than I expected to, perhaps because it reminded me, in ways, of three other movies that I love: Pump Up The Volume, Rushmore, and Harold and Maude. I wouldn't necessarily recommend it to die-hard fans of any of the three, but it had elements of all of them.
Pump Up The Volume has the most similarities, although CB is much less...dark, or harsh. The main character becomes an uncomfortable spokesperson for the rights, lives and feelings of an entire high school. They begin to look to him and depend on him to make the right decisions and follow him in whatever insane (or not so insane) idea he comes up with, even if it results in anarchy. There is the element of teen suicide caused (or almost caused) by the advice given by the main character. There is just the general feeling that teens rights are being violated by the awful and brutal tyrants in charge.
CB is not similar to Rushmore in any stylistic or comedic sense. It had more to do with the attitude of the protagonist and the transformation from private school dweeb to public school sensation. There was the small element of student-written plays being performed, even starring the notorious bully.
Harold and Maude is the hardest to describe. I was already thinking of H&M (ha!) before Charlie and Susan sat at the piano and sang one of the Cat Stevens songs from the film (If You Want To Sing Out, Sing Out). The similarities mostly stem from the fact that, in both films, the main characters are insanely rich and live with their kooky mothers. Neither seem to have a strong affinity for their wealth and a deep inner struggle with themselves. The comparison probably ends here.
Even if CB is ripping off some or all of these films, it does so with a sharpness and wit that I appreciated. I only detected one totally cheeseball moment, when Susan sings the aforementioned Cat Stevens song in the school play. This seemed like an unnecessary confirmation of many facts that we'd already learned about the characters.
Movie Trailers
I sat and watched a few trailers online. The first was for Where the Wild Things Are. I cannot stress enough how amazing this film looks. Even the trailer made me teary eyed, but this may just be because of the swelling of the music and the scrawling lettering informing us that "In all of us there is HOPE...In all of us there is FEAR...In all of us there is a WILD THING." Cue tears.
I also watched the trailer for Transformers 2: something something. I was a huge fan of the first one and this second one looks...alright I guess. It looks like more of the same, and I still don't think Megan Fox is all that.
Last, I found a trailer for a little film called How To Be. I admit, I found it while seeing what my Super Crush Robert Pattinson was up to, besides the Twilight Saga. I was actually really surprised by how good this little film looks. It seems very awkward and British, which also happens to be how RP looks in the film. As of yet, it doesn't have a release date on Netflix and it appeared to be an IFC film, so I don't know if it had an actual theatrical release. Either way, I wish to see this as soon as its available somewhere. Check out the trailer on imdb and let me know what you think.
Lastly, I'd like to thank Amazon.com for finding me the cheapest possible price on all four Twilight books (in hardback no less). I essentially paid $11 a book for a boxed set that cost twice that much in stores. A pop culture shopping coup.
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Looking Forward To Tomorrow
Tomorrow is mother's day. Which means I will go visit my mother, and I'm not looking forward to it. She's angry with me for reasons it would take pages to explain. However, with the cover of my father, sister and niece, she won't bring up her issues tomorrow, thank the lord. What I'm REALLY looking forward to is sitting around with my sister and niece all day watching My So-Called Life (and revisiting one of my former FC crushes, see below).
The show looks a little dated, its very early 90's in style, tone, angst, etc. But something about it still speaks to me because I'm obviously still very much a teenage girl. This is a quality I hope to never lose because too many people do.
And what's the harm?
I live my life as an adult (for the most part) and as long as I'm able to function as an adult, what's so bad about living like a kid in my free time?
Even though it's been time consuming, I'm thrilled at my own interest in Twilight, mostly because its been a very long time since I felt so....wrapped up in something. I feared it was a quality that I was losing as I got older. The last time was perhaps when I started reading Harry Potter. I started late so I had 5 books to get through and it seemed to take over my life. Even good old HP has lost some of its charm for me over the years.
This, as everything else, will pass. And when it does it will feel like a cloud has been lifted. I currently feel like I'm living in a dream and once I get bored with it I will wake up.
The show looks a little dated, its very early 90's in style, tone, angst, etc. But something about it still speaks to me because I'm obviously still very much a teenage girl. This is a quality I hope to never lose because too many people do.
And what's the harm?
I live my life as an adult (for the most part) and as long as I'm able to function as an adult, what's so bad about living like a kid in my free time?
Even though it's been time consuming, I'm thrilled at my own interest in Twilight, mostly because its been a very long time since I felt so....wrapped up in something. I feared it was a quality that I was losing as I got older. The last time was perhaps when I started reading Harry Potter. I started late so I had 5 books to get through and it seemed to take over my life. Even good old HP has lost some of its charm for me over the years.
This, as everything else, will pass. And when it does it will feel like a cloud has been lifted. I currently feel like I'm living in a dream and once I get bored with it I will wake up.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
The Ups and Downs of Falling For People That Don't Exist
I'm hesitant about this post for the risk of sounding utterly insane. But if you stick with it until the end, perhaps you'll see that I'm not.
Or at least see that I'm by no means the kookiest person on the World Wide Web.
My recent fascination with Edward Cullen has forced me to reflect on my life as A Person Who Loves Fictional Characters (APWLFC).
I believe the first FC I ever loved was Kermit the Frog. The story goes that, as a child, when prompted about who I wanted to marry, the answer was always "David Lee Roth or Kermit the Frog." I might add that a valid argument could be made for Mr. Roth also being an FC.
After this time I remember having childish crushes on other boys, pop idols (NKOTB for sure)and being very into certain movies that I would watch over and over again. But here is a list of the FC's that hit the hardest, some of which turned into outright painful adolescent (or adult)obsessions, in no particular order:
The Vampire Lestat
For more on this one, see my first post.
Romeo (as played by Leonardo DiCaprio)
Scoff all you want about the quality of this film, but it changed my life forever. This is arguably the biggest crush/obsession of my entire life. I LOVED this movie, I think I saw it in the theater at least 3 times. I plastered my walls in pictures and posters, I read and memorized scenes from the play, I started dressing in a way that I thought emulated Juliet, the list goes on and on. I wanted to be part of their world so badly that I became an actress. It was an almost logical thought in a brain that was frankly, insane with obsession. It was a literal example of the phrase "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em." My acting days lasted for almost 10 years. And I have a phrase from R & J tattooed on my body forever.
Henry DeTamble
*swoon* The hero of The Time Traveler's Wife. This is the only book I ever finished, bawled my eyes out, and then immediately started reading again.
Edward Cullen
I'm throwing him in because even though it's early, I think he's gonna stick around in my heart for awhile.
Luke Skywalker
Yes. While all my friends thought Han Solo was the heartthrob, I lusted after Luke, especially during Jedi training in The Empire Strikes Back. I bought action figures, posters, and saved up to purches the trilogy with whatever money I came across.
Noah Calhoun
As played by Ryan Gosling in The Notebook. This cheesy little film stole my heart and turned me into a die hard Gosling fan, and still am today.
Jordan Catalano
I don't feel like I need to say anything about this one.
These are the fake men that have stolen my heart. Does this mean I don't know the difference between fiction and reality?
Hardly.
Sometimes, especially in my lonlier, hornier adolescent days these crushes were especially crushing because I knew they could never be. Now, I find them fun and comforting. There are some serious bonuses to falling in love with FC's. Mostly, they can never disappoint you. They only exist in the world that was created for them. And if they didn't disappoint you then, they never will. They can never break your heart and you can obsess about them, watch them, think about them ALL you want because they will never be able to find out and think you're a freak.
Now, I DO believe there are people out there who don't know the difference between fact and fiction and I'm very sorry for those people. Because for me, the Edward Cullens of the world are an innocent escape, a dream of what I KNOW will never be and that's fine by me.
I have a fantastic, sexy, supportive boyfriend who's REAL and I don't wish for anything more than that. I don't ever want him to be other than he is and I certainly hope he doesn't take offense to my gushing about certain FC's.
This is who I am. This is who I've always been. I FEEL a lot, and 95% of the time I can walk away from a movie or book or TV show and feel normal. But every once in awhile there is an extraordinary man, or story, that touches me in a way that real life never could and isn't supposed to. That's why we watch. And read. To feel completely other than ourselves.
To escape.
Or at least see that I'm by no means the kookiest person on the World Wide Web.
My recent fascination with Edward Cullen has forced me to reflect on my life as A Person Who Loves Fictional Characters (APWLFC).
I believe the first FC I ever loved was Kermit the Frog. The story goes that, as a child, when prompted about who I wanted to marry, the answer was always "David Lee Roth or Kermit the Frog." I might add that a valid argument could be made for Mr. Roth also being an FC.
After this time I remember having childish crushes on other boys, pop idols (NKOTB for sure)and being very into certain movies that I would watch over and over again. But here is a list of the FC's that hit the hardest, some of which turned into outright painful adolescent (or adult)obsessions, in no particular order:
The Vampire Lestat
For more on this one, see my first post.
Romeo (as played by Leonardo DiCaprio)
Scoff all you want about the quality of this film, but it changed my life forever. This is arguably the biggest crush/obsession of my entire life. I LOVED this movie, I think I saw it in the theater at least 3 times. I plastered my walls in pictures and posters, I read and memorized scenes from the play, I started dressing in a way that I thought emulated Juliet, the list goes on and on. I wanted to be part of their world so badly that I became an actress. It was an almost logical thought in a brain that was frankly, insane with obsession. It was a literal example of the phrase "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em." My acting days lasted for almost 10 years. And I have a phrase from R & J tattooed on my body forever.
Henry DeTamble
*swoon* The hero of The Time Traveler's Wife. This is the only book I ever finished, bawled my eyes out, and then immediately started reading again.
Edward Cullen
I'm throwing him in because even though it's early, I think he's gonna stick around in my heart for awhile.
Luke Skywalker
Yes. While all my friends thought Han Solo was the heartthrob, I lusted after Luke, especially during Jedi training in The Empire Strikes Back. I bought action figures, posters, and saved up to purches the trilogy with whatever money I came across.
Noah Calhoun
As played by Ryan Gosling in The Notebook. This cheesy little film stole my heart and turned me into a die hard Gosling fan, and still am today.
Jordan Catalano
I don't feel like I need to say anything about this one.
These are the fake men that have stolen my heart. Does this mean I don't know the difference between fiction and reality?
Hardly.
Sometimes, especially in my lonlier, hornier adolescent days these crushes were especially crushing because I knew they could never be. Now, I find them fun and comforting. There are some serious bonuses to falling in love with FC's. Mostly, they can never disappoint you. They only exist in the world that was created for them. And if they didn't disappoint you then, they never will. They can never break your heart and you can obsess about them, watch them, think about them ALL you want because they will never be able to find out and think you're a freak.
Now, I DO believe there are people out there who don't know the difference between fact and fiction and I'm very sorry for those people. Because for me, the Edward Cullens of the world are an innocent escape, a dream of what I KNOW will never be and that's fine by me.
I have a fantastic, sexy, supportive boyfriend who's REAL and I don't wish for anything more than that. I don't ever want him to be other than he is and I certainly hope he doesn't take offense to my gushing about certain FC's.
This is who I am. This is who I've always been. I FEEL a lot, and 95% of the time I can walk away from a movie or book or TV show and feel normal. But every once in awhile there is an extraordinary man, or story, that touches me in a way that real life never could and isn't supposed to. That's why we watch. And read. To feel completely other than ourselves.
To escape.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
It's a Hold Steady Type of Day, or, An Ode To Summer In Cleveland
Me and my friends are like
The drums on "Lust for Life".
We pound it out on floor toms.
Our psalms are sing-along songs.
This whole town is lifeless.
Been that way our whole lives just
work at the mill until you die.
Work at the mill and then you die.
We're gonna build something this summer.
We'll put it back together.
Raise up a giant ladder.
With love and trust and
friends and hammers.
This summer.
We're gonna lean this ladder
up against the water tower.
Climb up to the top and drink and talk
this summer.
Me and my friends are like
Double whiskey coke no ice
We drink along in double time.
Might drink too much but we feel fine.
We're gonna build something this summer.
Summer grant us all the power to
drink on top of watertowers.
With love and trust and
shows all summer.
Get hammered.
Let this be my annual reminder that
we could all be something bigger.
I went to your schools.
I did my detention.
But all the walls were so grey that
I couldn't pay attention.
I read your gospel.
It moved me to tears.
But I couldn't find the hate and
I couldn't find the fear.
I met your savior. I knelt his feet.
He took my ten bucks and
He went down the street.
I tried to believe all the things that you said.
But my friends that aren't dying are already dead.
Raise a toast to Saint Joe Strummer.
I think he might have been our only decent teacher.
Getting older makes it harder to remember.
We are our only saviors.
We're gonna build something this summer.
The drums on "Lust for Life".
We pound it out on floor toms.
Our psalms are sing-along songs.
This whole town is lifeless.
Been that way our whole lives just
work at the mill until you die.
Work at the mill and then you die.
We're gonna build something this summer.
We'll put it back together.
Raise up a giant ladder.
With love and trust and
friends and hammers.
This summer.
We're gonna lean this ladder
up against the water tower.
Climb up to the top and drink and talk
this summer.
Me and my friends are like
Double whiskey coke no ice
We drink along in double time.
Might drink too much but we feel fine.
We're gonna build something this summer.
Summer grant us all the power to
drink on top of watertowers.
With love and trust and
shows all summer.
Get hammered.
Let this be my annual reminder that
we could all be something bigger.
I went to your schools.
I did my detention.
But all the walls were so grey that
I couldn't pay attention.
I read your gospel.
It moved me to tears.
But I couldn't find the hate and
I couldn't find the fear.
I met your savior. I knelt his feet.
He took my ten bucks and
He went down the street.
I tried to believe all the things that you said.
But my friends that aren't dying are already dead.
Raise a toast to Saint Joe Strummer.
I think he might have been our only decent teacher.
Getting older makes it harder to remember.
We are our only saviors.
We're gonna build something this summer.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Accomplishments For The Day
1. Purchasing balloons.
2. Eating lots of turkey.
3. Getting my niece to speak more than usual, about things.
4. Obtaining a copy of Twilight (the novel) from said niece.
5. Purchasing cool vintage gifts for my sister.
6. Loving my sister to pieces.
2. Eating lots of turkey.
3. Getting my niece to speak more than usual, about things.
4. Obtaining a copy of Twilight (the novel) from said niece.
5. Purchasing cool vintage gifts for my sister.
6. Loving my sister to pieces.
I Want To Hold Your Hand
I started singing the song as we walked back from the bar drunk in the dark. My sister's fiancee had reached out to grab my hand, but my hands were full of purse and cigarettes. So I started singing. And slowly my sister and aunt and soon-to-be-brother-in-law all started singing (and none of us can sing) as we walked. The song died off and my sister asked me to pick another and the first one that came to mind was Help!. And when that one died I told her it was her choice, being her birthday and all. Quietly, in the backs of buildings, by dumpsters she sang "Blackbird singing in the dead of night..." We all chimed in, solemnley, the night of festivities come to an end. We only got louder as we said "...into the light of the dark black night..."
Then we were home and saying our goodbyes and I love you's. And I do. Love them.
Then we were home and saying our goodbyes and I love you's. And I do. Love them.
Balloons
A friend of mine read my first post and noted that perhaps rather than worrying about statutory rape, I would be worried about necrophilia. Point taken.
My mother has insisted that I purchase a balloon bouquet for my sister's birthday dinner tonight. When I expressed to her that I have no money for such things (or anything), she acted as if I said nothing at all and just kept repeating different combinations of the words "balloon" and "bouquet". She has a knack for only hearing what she wants.
Did I mention my sister is turning 40? She doesn't want a damn balloon bouquet. She wants to drink a bottle of wine far away from our mother, is what she wants.
However, I could already hear the tone of panic in my mother's voice over the birthday dinner and I know now that if I don't show up with the balloons my mother will fall apart. Therefore, the balloons should say "Are you happy now, mother?" rather than "Happy Birthday!". Or perhaps they should say "Mission Accomplished. Please leave me alone now."
At least once dinner is over we will be able to get drunk in celebration. Far away from our mother.
My mother has insisted that I purchase a balloon bouquet for my sister's birthday dinner tonight. When I expressed to her that I have no money for such things (or anything), she acted as if I said nothing at all and just kept repeating different combinations of the words "balloon" and "bouquet". She has a knack for only hearing what she wants.
Did I mention my sister is turning 40? She doesn't want a damn balloon bouquet. She wants to drink a bottle of wine far away from our mother, is what she wants.
However, I could already hear the tone of panic in my mother's voice over the birthday dinner and I know now that if I don't show up with the balloons my mother will fall apart. Therefore, the balloons should say "Are you happy now, mother?" rather than "Happy Birthday!". Or perhaps they should say "Mission Accomplished. Please leave me alone now."
At least once dinner is over we will be able to get drunk in celebration. Far away from our mother.
Monday, May 4, 2009
Accomplishments for the Day
1. Got the internet.
2. Sat in front of it all day drinking beer and smoking cigarettes in celebration.
3. Inadvertently got drunk.
4. Started this blog.
5. Resisted the urge to watch Twilight again.
6. I love the fact that Dr. House's ringtone is MmmBop.
2. Sat in front of it all day drinking beer and smoking cigarettes in celebration.
3. Inadvertently got drunk.
4. Started this blog.
5. Resisted the urge to watch Twilight again.
6. I love the fact that Dr. House's ringtone is MmmBop.
Cigarettes
I smoked too many cigarettes today. But I will never mention this again because this is not Bridget Jones Diary.
Hurry Up and Kiss Me!
Oh no! The bad vampires are here! Hurry up and make out with me, Robert Pattinson!
Twilight, or, Beautiful Teenage Vampire Boys Make Me Tingle In My Bathing Suit Area
My first vampire crush occurred when I was about 8 years old and my cousin showed me The Lost Boys. I was terrified of everything, and she was a horror movie buff so she thought vampires were a good way to get me into the genre. Evidently, this event changed my life. Within two years I saw Bram Stoker's Dracula in the theater (if you're doing the math,I was 10 or so when this happened, and sit at this computer blogging about Twilight at the age of 26).
This new found fascination with vampires led to a total obsession with Anne Rice in my pre-teen and teen years. I read the vampire chronicles repeatedly, watched the movie over and over again, and lusted after her denizens of the night. They were beautiful, and not just because they were played by Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt. The visuals that I imagined from the book were more beautiful than any Hollywood star could ever portray. My favorite in the books was Armand and I considered it a travesty that Antonio Banderas played him in the film. In reality (or the reality of Anne Rice's world)Armand was turned at the age of 17, he looked like an angel, with long curly auburn hair. I can't even put a number to the times I fantasized about these characters in my formative years. I don't know what exactly it was that turned me on so much. Perhaps it was a combination of their sexuality and also lack of sexuality. Anne Rice's vamps can't have sex, in fact are sexless, but yet they drip of lust.
This is an obsession that has long laid dormant. I read the books until I exhausted them, I watched the movie until I knew it by heart, and then sometime later the feelings went away. I'd watch other vampire movies, but none had the draw of Lestat or Louis or Armand. Then, my interest piqued by the whole Twilight phenomenon, I added the film to my Netflix. And yesterday I was introduced to Edward Cullen.
When he first appeared on screen I was immediately in love, as Bella is probably supposed to be (and doesn't do a very good job of showing). Here he was, the complete and total epitome of my teenage fantasies, right in front of me. I'll admit that an obsession started right then and there. His eyes, his hair, his teeth, his clothes, his voice EVERYTHING made me feel like a teenager again and insanely jealous of those girls who still are.
I was immediately turned on.
Which then raised all sorts of moral question, like "If Edward were real,is it still considered statutory rape if he's 17, but also 108 years old?" If vampires were real, how would our legislature handle these problems?
Then I considered asking my boyfriend if he'd be down for some role playing, he the vampire, me the helpless mortal who falls in love with him. I'd beg him to turn me, but alas, he wouldn't because I wouldn't understand the choice I was making or the price I would pay. However, even though he's usually up for kinky stuff, I think he'd be horrified if he knew this request came out of something as stupid and meaningless as a teen vampire story. Which is sad because I've never begrudged him his porn, I've even watched with him on many occasions. But I know he'd rain on my vampire lust parade.
As I write, Twilight is on the screen for the third time in a 24 hour period. I put it on this time because I sat down to write this and I wanted to make sure I didn't...um...forget how fucking hot Edward is. Plus, as someone who's been obsessed with many things in my past, I've learned the best way to get rid of it is to totally immerse myself in it until I get bored. But for now, fictional or no, this is the man of my dreams (Sorry, faithful boyfriend who I love dearly and would never leave. Unless it was for Edward Cullen.)
Now then. Where did I put my vibrator?
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