The Ups and Downs of Falling For People That Don't Exist

I'm hesitant about this post for the risk of sounding utterly insane. But if you stick with it until the end, perhaps you'll see that I'm not.

Or at least see that I'm by no means the kookiest person on the World Wide Web.

My recent fascination with Edward Cullen has forced me to reflect on my life as A Person Who Loves Fictional Characters (APWLFC).

I believe the first FC I ever loved was Kermit the Frog. The story goes that, as a child, when prompted about who I wanted to marry, the answer was always "David Lee Roth or Kermit the Frog." I might add that a valid argument could be made for Mr. Roth also being an FC.

After this time I remember having childish crushes on other boys, pop idols (NKOTB for sure)and being very into certain movies that I would watch over and over again. But here is a list of the FC's that hit the hardest, some of which turned into outright painful adolescent (or adult)obsessions, in no particular order:

The Vampire Lestat
For more on this one, see my first post.

Romeo (as played by Leonardo DiCaprio)
Scoff all you want about the quality of this film, but it changed my life forever. This is arguably the biggest crush/obsession of my entire life. I LOVED this movie, I think I saw it in the theater at least 3 times. I plastered my walls in pictures and posters, I read and memorized scenes from the play, I started dressing in a way that I thought emulated Juliet, the list goes on and on. I wanted to be part of their world so badly that I became an actress. It was an almost logical thought in a brain that was frankly, insane with obsession. It was a literal example of the phrase "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em." My acting days lasted for almost 10 years. And I have a phrase from R & J tattooed on my body forever.

Henry DeTamble
*swoon* The hero of The Time Traveler's Wife. This is the only book I ever finished, bawled my eyes out, and then immediately started reading again.

Edward Cullen
I'm throwing him in because even though it's early, I think he's gonna stick around in my heart for awhile.

Luke Skywalker
Yes. While all my friends thought Han Solo was the heartthrob, I lusted after Luke, especially during Jedi training in The Empire Strikes Back. I bought action figures, posters, and saved up to purches the trilogy with whatever money I came across.

Noah Calhoun
As played by Ryan Gosling in The Notebook. This cheesy little film stole my heart and turned me into a die hard Gosling fan, and still am today.

Jordan Catalano
I don't feel like I need to say anything about this one.

These are the fake men that have stolen my heart. Does this mean I don't know the difference between fiction and reality?

Hardly.

Sometimes, especially in my lonlier, hornier adolescent days these crushes were especially crushing because I knew they could never be. Now, I find them fun and comforting. There are some serious bonuses to falling in love with FC's. Mostly, they can never disappoint you. They only exist in the world that was created for them. And if they didn't disappoint you then, they never will. They can never break your heart and you can obsess about them, watch them, think about them ALL you want because they will never be able to find out and think you're a freak.

Now, I DO believe there are people out there who don't know the difference between fact and fiction and I'm very sorry for those people. Because for me, the Edward Cullens of the world are an innocent escape, a dream of what I KNOW will never be and that's fine by me.

I have a fantastic, sexy, supportive boyfriend who's REAL and I don't wish for anything more than that. I don't ever want him to be other than he is and I certainly hope he doesn't take offense to my gushing about certain FC's.

This is who I am. This is who I've always been. I FEEL a lot, and 95% of the time I can walk away from a movie or book or TV show and feel normal. But every once in awhile there is an extraordinary man, or story, that touches me in a way that real life never could and isn't supposed to. That's why we watch. And read. To feel completely other than ourselves.

To escape.